babble
Friday, January 17, 2003
Ancient proverb: Give a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
I really don't like people very much.
I mean, sure, I can hold my own in social situations. I can pretend to be all nice and sweet and make small talk with people. But if I had my way, I would buy a castle in the middle of Ireland or a ranch in Bum Fuck, Wyoming and just be one of those eccentric hermits that the townsfolk are afraid of. If I had the ranch, I'd have a lot of space for dogs to run around, so I'd purchase an army of smush-face dogs. I'd get a pug, a boston terrier, a boxer, a bulldog, and a shar-pei. (I know a couple of those don't actually have super-smushed faces, but they're funny looking enough to make me want one. I'm weird, ok?) Actually, I'd get two of each, a boy and a girl, all Noah's ark style. Then I'd name my ranch "The Ark of the Covenant" or something else scary and biblical sounding to really scare off the townsfolk.
But really, the main reason I'd like to move away from civilization is traffic. I fucking hate traffic. I especially hate L.A. traffic, but I tolerate it because I like living in L.A. due to the large concentration of Trader Joe's stores and good camera shops. I also like playing the game called "Spot the plastic surgery". I can pick a liposuctioned ass out of a lineup.
The problem with the traffic in L.A. is threefold:
A. The freeways are sucky. Some of them are too narrow, some are in disrepair, and some have the shittiest onramps/offramps/merge lanes in the free world.
2. There is no decent public transportation. Sure, if you happen to be lucky enough to live right near one of the train lines, and your workplace is also near a train line, then you're golden. But if you're like me, and live downtown but need to travel to an office near the airport, you would have to take three different trains to get to work. It would literally take me half an hour longer to get to and from work if I were to take public transportation. That is just goddamned ridiculous.
D. People in L.A. drive like total fucking assholes. Sure, I get it. Lots of cars on the road. You need to get somewhere. But do you really think that not letting me merge into your lane is going to get you there ANY FUCKING FASTER? And you, over there, trying to merge into 70 mph traffic doing 35 miles an hour! What the fuck is wrong with you? If people in this fucking city would just learn how to fucking MERGE INTO TRAFFIC, and stop speeding up just so they can slam on their brakes 2 minutes later, our traffic problems would be greatly reduced. It is not that hard, people. JESUS.
Don't even get me started on people driving in the rain in L.A.
The only solution that I can see to this problem, for myself anyway, is to either work at a place that is less than 3 minutes from my home, or invent something spectacular that will change life as we know it and become filthy stinking rich and never have to commute again. I doubt either of those things will happen anytime soon, so I'll just have to get myself a prescription for Valium and daydream about my freaky dog ranch in Wyoming.
(And if anyone gets the obscure early '90s movie reference hidden in plain view in this post, tell me and I'll give you a dollar.)
babbled by Kat @ 9:03:00 AM |
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