babble
Wednesday, April 30, 2003
Allow me to enlighten you as to the sordid and marginally legal antics of the computer geek when it is let loose in the wilds of Las Vegas. First, it seeks out others of its kind, if only to strengthen its inherent nerdiness. When in a pack, computer geeks generate a forcefield which protects them from its natural enemy, the Jock. Once the computer geek has joined with the pack, the pack will head out in search of the preferred foods of the geek, which usually include fried items, burgers, and mathematical equations. In captivity, the computer geek will gravitate towards standard beverages containing caffeine, such as Jolt Cola or triple-espresso mocha frappuccinos, but when let loose in the wild, the geek's beverage of choice becomes something of a wild card. Many of them will choose a frothy beverage such as a Pina Colada, but several sub-species of the computer geek has been known to gravitate to vodka martinis (shaken not stirred) that are associated with virile characters from something they watch called "movies". Rarer still are the computer geeks that enjoy a nice single malt scotch. These geeks generally stand out as leaders of the pack and will often be known to seek out attractive non-geeks for conversation. This is a notable variation from the norm, as most geeks, even in the wilds of Las Vegas, tend to stick with their own species and generally avoid the non-geek population.
Each evening, the computer geek packs will willingly revert to captivity and return to their hotel rooms, where they enjoy some time in front of their computers before retiring. Upon awakening in the mornings, the computer geek usually requires a beverage containing enough caffeine to kill a small elephant and a pastry item before it can be let loose to rejoin the pack. In the case of a large gathering of computer geek packs, known as a "convention", the packs will all join together in a particular area and split off into different groups to listen to the pack leaders tell them of new technologies and make lame jokes about "end users", which is a native computer geek term for one of their natural adversaries. Approximately every two hours, the geeks will split off again and seek out a different leader, who will speak of a different technology. The computer geeks call this "fun". During the breaks between the leaders' speaking sessions, the geeks will refuel with copious amounts of caffeinated beverages and pastry items. This goes on for several days, with the evening rituals and morning caffeine consumption repeated until the convention disbands, the packs drift apart, and the geeks return to their individual native habitats. These conventions occur at random intervals throughout the year, and are most commonly seen in Las Vegas; travelers are advised to be on the lookout for roving packs of wild geeks, as they can get fairly nerdy and verbose when intoxicated.
babbled by Kat @ 8:38:00 AM |
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