babble
Tuesday, April 15, 2003
I have never felt comfortable within the confines of monogamy. To me, it feels like an outdated societal construct that doesn't really gel with our current reality. I'm sure it's fine for some people, and in fact, many people I know are or have been perfectly happy in long-term monogamous relationships. However, I think that our cultural conditioning makes people think that it's the right thing to do, when in reality, their own personality, desires, and needs differ from that cultural norm.
Now, I'm not talking about an orgiastic free-for-all here (not that there's anything wrong with that). I'm talking specifically about polyamory, that is, having multiple, open, honest, loving relationships. I think that in a lot of cases, people aren't able to get all of their needs met by just one person. I don't think that polyamory is necessarily a panacea that can magically take care of all of those needs, but for some people, engaging in multiple relationships at the same time can be a wonderful, happy, beautiful experience.
That said, I've never really indulged in my tendencies towards polyamory. Sure, I've been in "open dating" situations, where there was an explicit agreement of mutual non-exclusivity (that's my 5-dollar-sentence way of saying that we could see other people). However, those situations were really quite short-lived and weren't really serious relationships. Every serious relationship I have been in has been with a person to whom monogamy is very important. With one notable exception, I have deferred to my partners' feelings in this matter and have remained faithful. I have found, through personal experience and observation, that it is not worth it at all to risk hurting someone you care deeply about in order to get your own needs satisfied. In other words, I think that it is more important to me to ensure my partner's well-being by remaining faithful even if my own emotional or sexual needs are not being fulfilled. I know that sounds like I am trying to be a selfless martyr type, but that's not my intention - I get plenty of satisfaction from seeing my partner happy or at least content, so whatever "sacrifice" I am making is offset by the satisfaction I get from fulfilling my partner's need for monogamy.
So, since I am not in a situation where I am able to explore my own poly tendencies, I have decided to channel that interest into a project. I am going to combine my interest in polyamory with my penchant for writing and my love of photography, and do photo essays and interviews with people who are currently in or have been in polyamorous relationships. I'm not sure where I want to go with this - whether I'll eventually turn it into a book, or just publish it online, but I definitely want to explore this subject in more detail. So, if you're in a poly relationship, or you have been, and you'd be willing to be interviewed and/or photographed by someone with a web site named after a soiled and tasseled red felt head covering, please let me know.
babbled by Kat @ 8:49:00 AM |
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