babble
Monday, September 29, 2003
Crouching hipster, drunken panda:
Hi, I'm a baby panda.
I know you all just love it so fucking much when you see adorable baby animals and you are always totally in awe of our ability to speak perfect English right out of the womb. I will just explain that to you right now - every creature in the animal kingdom is much smarter than you. Humans are fucking retarded compared to us. You should watch your backs, because I'll bet you have a pet dog or cat or monkey and you think that they are stupid and don't understand what you are saying, but trust me, they are just using their furry wiles and non-English vocalizations to trick you into letting them live in your house rent-free and mooch food from you. I'm just sayin'.
So, Kat told me that her weekend rocked. It rocked so much that she had to take a day off from blogging, so that's why I'm here. Anyway, she said that there were assloads of people at the gallery, and that she learned a couple of things while she was there. The first thing that she learned was that the '80s are back, and she doesn't mean the good parts. She saw more leg warmers and off-the-shoulder tops in one night than anyone should see in their entire life. (Also, the trucker hat trend? So over it.) She also learned that people in L.A. are really fucking lazy. Seriously, Mr. 22 Year Old Hipster, is it going to kill you to walk 200 fucking feet to the front door of the gallery? I didn't think so, assmaster. Other than hipsters throwing attitude, the night was really fun even though Kat only drank one Vitamin Water and didn't make out with anyone. There was that one cute guy that kept hanging around the door and talking to her, so she probably could have made out with him, but he had on one of those goddamned trucker hats, so that ruled him out.
Yesterday she took me as her date to the best baby shower ever. There was food and booze and the parents-to-be gave presents to all the guests. I am telling you, people, that is how it should be done, especially the booze part. I mean, I am just a baby panda and I am obviously underage, but I managed to sneak into the bar area when nobody was looking and dunk my head in the sangria, and man did that make the baby shower fun! I have a little bit of a hangover right now and I'm not entirely sure how I ended up with this hickey on my inner thigh, but people keep saying how much fun I had, and even though I know that humans are kind of dumb, they sure do know how to get drunk and have a good time.
I hear my mom coming back so I'd better go try and cover up this hickey before she gets here, because if she finds out that I snuck out for that party yesterday she'd be pissed, and I don't want to get grounded. And if any of you fuckers tell on me, I'll beat your ass.
Blondes really do have more cleavage fun
babbled by Kat @ 9:30:00 AM |
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