babble
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
Licensed to ill:
I've been holed up at home for the last two days feeling like I got in a bar brawl with 12 ninjas, a couple of sumo wrestlers, and a greased midget. I have no idea what is wrong with me, because the only symptoms I have are aches, a mild fever, and weakness, and as far as I know I haven't been exposed to any Kryptonite lately, so the cause of my ailment remains a complete mystery. I am doing my best to recover quickly by sleeping 15 hours a day and drinking enough water to drown a major metropolitan city. Hopefully I will be back to my regular totally fucking hilarious self in short order.
Some neat things I have learned during my mystery illness, in a convenient bulleted list:
I am fully capable of making my hair look as though I have just had sex with an entire hockey team, just from tossing and turning during a bout of fever-induced nightmares.
My cat believes that the only way to cure his sick human is to sleep with some portion of his fur directly in front of my mouth so that I will inhale it along with its curative properties.
My next-door neighbor likes to play opera every morning from approximately 9 a.m. to 2 p.m. Loudly. Whether this is speeding up or slowing my recovery is unclear.
Apparently, the combination of a Monster energy drink and three regular-strength ibuprofen tablets makes me become clinically insane, albeit temporarily.
Gyno tables are a good place to take a nap.
Though I am leaning towards a diagnosis of diphtheria, I will be sure to keep you, my four and a quarter readers, updated as to my condition. Don't worry - I have already made sure that the Blogger posting page is queued up and ready for me to post in case I begin experiencing hallucinations.
Go help some kids with art education.
babbled by Kat @ 5:03:00 PM |
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