babble
Wednesday, January 28, 2004
What a girl wants:
Lately, I've had fluctuating feelings about romantic entanglements. Yeah, I know, I do that a lot. So what if one of my favorite habits is overthinking everything? Anyway, sometimes I look at some of my friends who are all happy and in love with a partner that seems so incredibly perfect for them that it makes me actually consider that fate exists, and I want something like that. But then I get to thinking about how I really like to just do things my way and I don't want to have to deal with someone else's baggage (and everyone has some, whether it's a small carry-on or a full suite of matching Louis Vuitton trunks), and I feel content with what I have. Or I'll get sick or upset or stressed at work and I'll really miss having someone around who will just wrap me in their arms and stroke my hair and tell me everything will be better, and it instantly is better because they're there. Or maybe I'll get a wild hair and go on a spontaneous road trip to Santa Barbara and revel in the fact that I don't have to clear it with anyone or tell anyone where I'm going. Then I realize that if I was really with someone that felt right, I'd want them to come with me.
Part of the reason that this is on my mind so much lately is that I hadn't been around anyone that felt right until recently, and when I finally let my guard down and allowed myself to be vulnerable, the entire thing went down the shitter. So I think I'm still feeling like I lost something. And I did lose something, but that's okay - because if I never let my guard down, if I never risk getting hurt in order to potentially experience something wonderful, then I'm not really living, am I?
babbled by Kat @ 10:40:00 AM |
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