babble
Thursday, January 08, 2004
Where the grass is green and the girls are pretty:
The shit that went down in the first few days of this week made me all grumpy and pissy and just basically a giant pain in the ass, but fortunately I'm cute, charming, smart, funny, and modest, so my friends were all able to overlook my pissy mood and love me anyway. I was about to gouge out my liver with a rusty spork at one point just to take my mind off all of the stressful bullshit I was having to deal with, and if you think that the stuff in yesterday's post was not enough to warrant such drastic action, you are totally correct. I left out some additional stress-causing things that were happening in my life because as a super top-secret ninja assassin in the Irish mafia I am under a strict non-disclosure agreement and am unable to discuss anything in detail about my job. All I can say is that lately it has been causing me a lot of stress, but now that they have assigned a personal masseuse to my detail named Biff that is not only built like a brick shithouse but is also mute and as dumb as a bag of Donovan McNabb's hair, I think my stress levels are about to decrease significantly.
The new masseuse doesn't start work until next Monday so since I wasn't going to have a happy ending massage last night, I went to the Acme Comedy Theatre to see the J. Keith van Straaten show. You see, Keith is running in the AIDS Marathon this Sunday and he had this show to raise cashmoneys to benefit AIDS Project Los Angeles. Since I am a totally selfless person, I love to give money to charity, which is why I also love to write off those donations on my tax return. Besides, last night's guests included a band full of hot guys, a hilarious comedian with a great rack, and none other than the Fonz, plus Keith's sexy yet non-threatening sidekick Wil, and I just couldn't pass up a lineup like that. After saying hi to friends and flirting my ass off with the dude at the box office, I watched the show and proceeded to laugh so hard that I think a little pee came out. I have to say that if you do not go to the post-marathon show on the 26th, at the same venue, the proceeds of which are also benefiting AIDS Project L.A., you must be dead inside because really, how often do you get to laugh so hard that you PEE? Also, if you don't go I will send ninja assassins to your house.
These comics will also make you laugh until you pee
babbled by Kat @ 10:36:00 AM |
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