babble
Friday, February 27, 2004
You're all I want, my fantasy:
Letters I wrote in my head while I was going about my day on Friday:
Dear Lady In The Supermarket With No Concept Of Personal Space,
Stop standing so close to me that I can feel your breath on my arm. Also, the occasional "excuse me" when you were shoving past me in the frozen foods aisle or the dairy aisle or in the checkout line would have been fucking nice.
Sincerely,
The Chick Who Almost Punched You Today
Dear Guy In The El Camino Who Was Stuck Next To Me In Stop-And-Go Traffic,
Yes, I was totally rocking out to "Photograph" by Def Leppard with the windows down. And yes, I was playing air drums with one arm because I like to be as realistic as possible with my air instruments. Deal with it.
Your Friend,
The Babe Who Wore Acid Wash Jeans In Eighth Grade But Didn't Have A Mullet
Dear Brian Greene,
Your brain makes my brain feel all tingly. Let's make out.
Love,
The Hottie Who Reads Theoretical Physics Texts As A Hobby
Dear Lady In The White Ford Extinction,
Seriously, do you really need an SUV that big when you are just driving around alone, running your impeccably maintained French manicure through your precisely highlighted hair? Also, do you need to talk incessantly on your cell phone so that you can't focus your attention on driving through the tiny parking lot at the Whole Foods market, during which time I watched you almost take out a little old lady, a new mother with a stroller, and most importantly, me and my precious espresso-laden beverage? Also, please die.
Signed,
The Angry, Caffeinated Redhead Who Stuck A Banana In Your Tailpipe
Dear One-Eyed Jack,
Really, I think you are the best cat ever. I am very fond of you. But for the love of all that's holy, can you please stop walking directly underfoot when I am walking down the stairs? Sometimes I could swear that you're trying to kill me.
Also, could you stop staring at me when I'm having sex, whether I'm alone or with someone else? It's really creeping us out.
Love,
The Lady Whose Sole Purpose In Life Is To Feed You
babbled by Kat @ 8:21:00 PM |
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