babble
Tuesday, March 16, 2004
Behind my smile, it shakes my teeth:
Letters I wrote in my head this morning on the way to work:
Dear Impatient Motherfucker Behind Me At The Corner Of Main And Daly:
Thank you for honking at me just because I moved my foot from the brake pedal to the accelerator 1/30 of a second too slow for you. I am sorry that my inability to turn the corner at the exact instant that the light turned green made you so upset. However, I hope that I made it up to you by making you crap your pants when I cut you off on the 1st Street bridge.
Sincerely,
The Girl Who Should Never Be Allowed To Own A Handgun
Dear Lady In The Lobby Bathroom In My Building:
Dear GOD, woman! What the hell did you eat?
Signed,
The Woman In The Next Stall Who Nearly Passed Out From The Fumes
Dear Guy Ahead Of Me In Line At Starbucks:
I am sorry, but ordering a triple venti nonfat no-whip white chocolate mocha with a "just a little splash of caramel" makes you sound kind of gay.
Love,
The Girl Who Gave You Two Snaps Up Behind Your Back
Dear Guy In The Elevator Who Saw Me Walking Up Just Before The Doors Closed:
Thanks for holding the door for me. Oh, wait, that's right, you didn't. You pressed the "close doors" button, because waiting an extra half a second for me to get into the elevator would have been such a fucking hardship. That was a sweet sweater vest you had on, though.
Yours Truly,
The Chick Who Really Didn't Mind Waiting Because There Was A Hot Girl In The Lobby And You Missed Her, Ha-ha
Dear My Uterus:
Ow. Quit it.
Love,
The Girl Who Should Buy Stock In Advil
babbled by Kat @ 9:56:00 AM |
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