babble
Monday, March 01, 2004
Caught in a slew of nasty lies:
This weekend was really interesting for me, in that I realized a lot of things about myself. Some of them are kind of dumb and involve things like my tendency to be a pack rat (an inherent paranoia that I will need the item, no matter how insignificant it may seem, at a future date) or the reason why it has taken me longer to get over my last relationship than it's ever taken me in the past (because she lives next fucking door, durr), and so I will not bore you with them. However, I will be happy to elaborate on one of them because I know you are just dying to know what goes on inside of my head when I am left to my own devices and spend a weekend contemplating everything from interpersonal relationships to the nature of the universe with only the help and guidance of excessive pornography and Rock Star energy drinks. I'll sell you the whole seat, but you'll only need THE EDGE!!
So, my profound, enlightened conclusion is this: I am a hypocritical asshole. Why, you ask? Because I insist on following the tradition of giving something up for Lent while completely eschewing, if not outright condemning, everything else that has to do with the religion that spawned that tradition. My connection to Catholicism is only secured by the tiniest familial and historical thread. It holds no meaning for me. The tradition meant something to me the first two years I did it, because Catholicism was a big part of the beginnings of a spiritual quest that I embarked on in my early 20s, but after I moved on in my quest and my attachment to Catholicism waned, I only kept up the tradition for stupid reasons - mainly to prove that I could do it, to myself and to others. The only things that I gained from remaining beholden to the Lenten tradition were arguments about religion with friends and a deep-seated feeling of hypocrisy. Therefore, I am not going to continue the tradition any longer.
Of course, I'll still remain completely fascinated by religion and spirituality. It's one of the most interesting aspects of humanity, in my opinion - what people do to try to make sense of things they don't understand. I'm just going to approach it from now on as an interested observer, not a participant.
Also, interestingly enough, last night I had some dreams which didn't speak to this particular subject but addressed some other issues I think I've been avoiding in my personal life. Issues of vulnerability, responsibility, and other fun stuff that I will, of course, discuss here sooner or later, because who would I be if I wasn't baring my fucking soul to a bunch of strangers, friends, and strangers who have become friends? Ah, the wonders of the intarweb.
P.S. I only completed two of the 8 items on the weekend to-do list in Friday's post. Guess which two?
babbled by Kat @ 2:53:00 PM |
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