babble
Sunday, November 21, 2004
Scratching at the bottom for another clue:
I spent part of this week up in northern California. I had to fly on one of those tiny regional jets that seat 70 people and kind of look like regular jets that were just left in the dryer too long. As a result of these flights, I would like to give some handy travel tips to people so that they will make my flying experience more pleasant, because as we all know, everything is about me being happy. It's the only reason the world hasn't imploded yet, frankly.
1. If you are traveling in a large group, please do not walk side by side in a big line through the airport as if you were the fucking Get Along Gang. If I cannot move through the airport at a pace that makes me appear blurry to stationary humans, I get very frustrated. Frustrated != happy. Remember what happens when I am not happy, people. WORLD GO BOOM.
2. If you are traveling with a baby, please change them in the bathroom. I am not kidding you when I say I once sat next to a woman who changed her 18 month old in the seat next to me. Three times. If I am not related to your child, I do not want to see its feces. Actually, even if I am related to the child, I'm not exactly fond of child poop, so please go away from the family reunion picnic table when changing your baby. That means you, my reproducing cousins.
3. For the love of all that's holy, please refrain from putting on excessive perfume before you get into a fucking metal tube with 70+ other people. They may recirculate the air in the cabin, but that just means that EVERYONE CAN SMELL YOU. Yes, I'm talking to you, lady who sat across the aisle from me on Friday wearing an obnoxious amount of Chanel no. 5. I still have a fucking headache from that shit.
4. If you're Eddie Izzard, and you're in the Admiral's Club in San Francisco 2 seats away from me, and I break my usual policy of leaving famous people alone to say hi to you, you should clearly understand my policy and ask me to marry you. I would've said yes.
babbled by Kat @ 1:40:00 PM |
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