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Monday, November 25, 2002

I would like to take this opportunity to wish the Bush twins a happy 21st birthday. Dad's obviously tickled about it. I'll be toasting you over my 3-martini dinner.

A few tips for your "first" drinking experience, girls:

1. Never mix your alcohol. With anything. Not even ice. Drink everything straight up.
2. Never drink and drive. Make that Secret Service guy drive you around when you go on bar crawls. It's a good use of our tax dollars.
3. Don't drink on an empty stomach. Unless you just want to get hammered really fast, that is. If that's the case, go for it. You can always eat after you puke.
4. Always try to vomit into a receptacle of some sort, to avoid nasty cleanup problems and stammered explanations to your dry cleaner.
5. To prevent hangovers, take two aspirin, a glass of water, and three shots of Jager before going to bed.
6. To prevent unwanted sexual encounters while drinking, always wear 2 pairs of shit-brown nylon granny panties from the 99 cent store. Even desperate frat boys get turned off by that.

Now you're all prepared for your new lives as responsible, adult alcohol consumers! Remember, everyone, go out and buy some liquor. It's good for the economy!

babbled by Kat @ 4:01:00 PM | |

Thursday, November 21, 2002

The sky in L.A. this morning looked like it had been painted with those sweeping brushstrokes usually reserved for works of art and not the undeserving sky that appears over Los Angeles. I was repeatedly distracted by the cloud formations as I drove to work on my normally dreary and traffic-filled route. I should have my digital camera permanently attached to my hand so that when I catch such fleeting glimpses of beauty, I can share them with you.

Last night I went out to dinner with my friend Eric, who is moving to Austin, Texas on Monday. Since I am violently allergic to driving whilst drunk I had a totally hardcore club soda with a lime twist along with my almost completely flavorless turkey burger. After dinner I went to the cafe to locate my lovely girlfriend, and we spent some quality time in front of the Megatouch playing Photo Hunt before I went home to collapse from exhaustion. I had endless dreams about people upon whom I have had crushes, both the fleeting physical "you make me tingly in my pants" kind and the far more interesting "you are such a fascinating person, your brain gets me hot" kind. I totally fall for people's brains. I can't say that I never fall for looks, as evidenced by my celebrity fuck-list, which is full of pretty people who have never proved that they have any kind of intellectual substance (with notable exceptions, of course). But I get crushes on people without ever seeing them, because I read their book or see their photography or hear their lyrics or read their 'blog. I fall for talent and intelligence. I've dated people in the past where there was little physical attraction but the intellectual attraction got me going every time. Sometimes it's not even the person that I have a crush on, but a product of their intelligence. I fall in love with books, paintings, photographs, songs, films, ideas. It sounds kind of ridiculous to say that I can fall in love with an object, but that's the only way I know how to describe it.

babbled by Kat @ 12:27:00 PM | |

Wednesday, November 20, 2002

Ah, the joys of being completely disillusioned. I've become convinced that while I have many good creative ideas, I nearly always fail in the ultimate execution of those ideas. Whether I attempt self-expression through writing fiction, painting, or photography, I get some kind of creator's block and can never finish what I've started. Perhaps I simply haven't found my voice yet. Perhaps I'm doomed to a neverending cycle of self-fulfilling prophecies of failure. Either way, I'm on the verge of giving up the good fight.

babbled by Kat @ 10:04:00 AM | |

Monday, November 18, 2002

Due to horrible occurrences over the weekend like exams and homework, I have been reduced to plagiarizing myself. For your viewing pleasure:

A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, there was a show called Friends. In one of the episodes of this "show" the characters made up a list of five celebrities that they wanted to do "it" with. The basic premise was that they could do "it" with said celebrities if given the chance and their boyfriend/girlfriend/life partner was not allowed to get mad. I think this is a fabulous idea, so here are my choices. My list is ever-changing, but this is my current list. Note that there are 5 of each gender, because I'm "bi-lingual", and therefore get to be a bigger "slut".

These are in no particular order.


1. John Cusack. (If you do not understand, please watch Grosse Pointe Blank and you will see him in all of his all-black-wearing hot-ass tall glory.)
2. Derek Jeter.
3. Jason Lee.
4. Dennis Leary. I'm a sucker for tall. And Irish. And funny. And he is all of those things wrapped up in a tasty little Bostonian package.
5. Conan O'Brien. Shut up. Tall, Irish, funny, and NERDY is even better.


1. Catherine Keener.
2. Rose McGowan.
3. Michelle Rodriguez, of Girlfight and Blue Crush.
4. Pink.
5. J-Lo. Mmmmbooty.


1. Jennifer Aniston. (I realize that she is one of the "beautiful people" and therefore "everyone" wants her. But she is very hot, so she has to be here.)
2. Heather Graham. I do not find her especially attractive most of the time, but she is in my neighborhood on a regular basis so I figure I should include her because her proximity increases my chances. HAH.
3. Christina Ricci and Thora Birch, but only if they gain back some of the weight they lost, because I like them better with a bit more meat on 'em.
4. Eddie Izzard. I told you, I am a sucker for funny. This explains why I dated certain people who may be reading this right now but will be happy that I have Eddie Izzard on my honorable mentions list.
5. Lisa Bonet. My girlfriend wants to boink her, and I told her that if she brings her over we can make a Lisa Bonet sandwich.
6. Lenny Kravitz. Used to be on the main list, used to be married to Lisa Bonet. Neat.
7. Jeff Goldblum. Replaced on the main list by Jason Lee, because Jason Lee just got divorced and eats sushi at a restaurant where I eat sushi, and therefore I have a better chance with him. Plus he's funnier.

This will probably change soon, because being inside my head is like riding a never ending rollercoaster of various emotions, needs, and desires. But for now, if any of the aforementioned famous persons would like the grand tour of my bed or the backseat of my car or even perhaps a park bench, please do not hesitate to contact me.

babbled by Kat @ 9:58:00 PM | |

Friday, November 15, 2002

Sometimes I get overly ambitious and take on far too many projects. This is blatantly obvious if you look at my life, what with working full-time, spending quality time in my car, taking classes part-time, and trying to write a novel. I don't know what my problem is. I have so many likes and interests that I tend to get sidetracked and never finish things. I'd like to think that it's because of my giant, super smart brain and its natural tendency to want to know everything but it's probably due to other factors. I think I will need to cultivate a loyal army of monkeys to complete all my tasks for me.

I haven't seen any celebrities in a while. (Oh, you thought I forgot about that "feature", did you? HAH! Gotcha!) My plans for the weekend do not include any gallery hopping, but they do include a little restaurant action on the west side, which means I may very well run into one or seven. I also plan to drink my fair share of alcohol, attempt to avoid vomiting as a result of said drinking, and mourn the upcoming loss of my civil liberties. Oh yeah, and write. Good thing I have Monday off or I wouldn't have time to stump automated bots, create cities, or debunk hoaxes. But even without the extra day off, I'll have time to go to the movies.

babbled by Kat @ 2:56:00 PM | |

Thursday, November 14, 2002

The other day at the NaNoWriMo meet I was chatting with this nice chap named Mike, and we were talking about the "day jobs" of NaNo writers. We noticed that there seemed to be a high percentage of NaNos that work in computers. So I got to thinking, and I'm starting to wonder if that's the writer's "default job". For example, in L.A., if someone says they are an actor or actress, the correct (though often not too well-received) response is, "Oh really? What restaurant?" After talking to a lot of other writers in L.A., not just NaNos, I'm starting to think that when a person says "I'm a writer," the proper response may be, "Really? Whose I.T. department?"

babbled by Kat @ 10:10:00 PM | |

I have been having back-to-back Super Genius days at work. I like figuring things out on my own and making them work, and I also like that I can provide remedies to fairly difficult and obscure server problems at the drop of a hat. Funny, though, because all of the Super Genius things I have been doing actually fall under someone else's area of responsibility, but since that person is very busy and has other things to do, and I have Super Genius-level expertise in that area, I have jumped in to assist. I really enjoy doing things like that. It's one of the reasons that I kind of miss being a consultant. When I worked for Big Blue, I used to get to swoop in to my customers' IT departments and magically solve all of their problems (well, at least all of their problems in my areas of software expertise). That was fun. I got a lot of job satisfaction out of that. I also got a ton of jet lag and very little time at home, which are aspects of that job that I don't miss. But I do miss being the Magical Super Genius Problem Solver.

Speaking of something completely unrelated, this lovely lady posted my favorite Yeats poem today. It reminded me that I want to do a series of paintings and/or photographs based on that poem. I had the idea a while ago, but since I've been at this job I haven't been able to dedicate much time to photography or painting at all. So I hereby pass down a mandate to myself that I must make some time to work on my artistic pursuits. You hear that, Self? If you don't start spending some quality time creating art, I am going to have to kick my own ass. And though it would be entertaining for pretty much anyone observing that activity, I doubt that I would find it very pleasant.

babbled by Kat @ 11:50:00 AM | |

Tuesday, November 12, 2002

Before I get on with the retelling of my Fabulous Weekend Adventure™, I must mention something infinitely more important and worthy of your attention.

See, there's this guy, and he's making a book out of the best posts from the first year of his blog. And today is the last day to preorder at the low, low price of $10 (plus $4 shipping & handling). That's a fucking bargain and a half, so you should go over there right this second and buy one.

Now for the Fabulous Weekend Adventure™. First, it was raining in L.A. all day Friday, so I had to skip the lunch break and leave work early in order to get home at a decent hour. See, people in L.A. don't know what to do when it rains. They either drive like manic chimpanzees on crack, hydroplaning all over the place, or they see a drop of water on the road and their foot takes up permanent residence on their brake pedal. Both ridiculous reactions wind up causing some kind of traffic problem, because people in L.A. also have no idea how to merge into traffic, so you get assholes that are hopped up on triple espresso mochas cutting people off and passing on the shoulder and other people who won't let you in because if they are just one car length ahead of you in their Hyundai then they'll obviously get to work 45 minutes early. Combine that with rainfall and hilarity ensues.

But that doesn't really have anything to do with the Fabulous Weekend Adventure™, no siree. See, on Friday I realized that I was coming down with a cold. I had a little congestion, a scratchy throat that alternately made me sound like Kathleen Turner or Peter Brady during puberty, and a nice amount of the always sexy runny nose action. I probably should have taken it easy on Friday, worked from home, and nipped that nasty little cold virus in the bud with some homemade chicken soup and seventeen hot toddies. Instead, I came to work, hated everyone on the freeway for their ridiculous ineptitude in the face of moist roadways (oh, the horror!), and doomed myself to a weekend of feeling like absolute shit.

Yes, kids, that's right, my Fabulous Weekend Adventure™ consisted of lying around in jammies on the sofa, eating soup and trying desperately to breathe through my nose. I did manage to consume some wine, which was good for me because everyone knows that alcohol kills germs. I also watched at least 2,435 episodes of Law & Order on TNT.

I'm feeling a bit better today - my voice still changes mid-sentence but I can breathe through at least one nostril at any given time. Once I've nursed myself back to my regular somewhat fair health, I'll be sure to head off on a real Fabulous Weekend Adventure™ just so I can wow you with my thrilling tales of mind-blowing fun and excitement.

babbled by Kat @ 8:59:00 AM | |

Friday, November 08, 2002

I've come to the conclusion that Kelly Ripa is one of the most annoying "celebrities" on the planet. And she's everywhere. First, she was just some chick on a soap, of which I was blissfully unaware. Then she replaced the frightening and equally annoying Kathie Lee Gifford on the horribly popular testament to Americans' stupidity, Live with Regis and fill-in-the-chippie. This development left me relatively unaffected at the beginning, since I do not watch morning shows due to their unpleasant perkiness and insistence that I be chipper and cheerful in the mornings. I sailed along, blissful in my ignorance of All Things Ripa.

Then the dam broke.

All of a sudden, she was everywhere. She's on advertisements for haircare products and bottled water, which are played on a ridiculously heavy rotation. She's being interviewed by everyone, and they all ask her the same questions - "How do you balance being a mom with working on a soap and working with the Reege?" (Not that I can actually stomach sitting through an entire interview with her, but they always ask this in the promo spots for the interviews.) She's been a guest star on a prime-time show. I swear, I can't watch my beloved Must See TV without seeing Little Miss Ripa at least once an hour. It's enough to make me insane.

babbled by Kat @ 11:07:00 AM | |

Thursday, November 07, 2002

I've been told that I should update more, so I will respond like a good little keyboard monkey and obey. I've been busily working on the novel and so all of my creative energies are being sapped by that little project. Of course I've also been trying to do more photography, especially with the handful of vintage cameras that I've recently acquired that need testing. I'm running a roll of film through each one to see if it works. I need to take pictures of people. Any volunteers? I also want to find interesting places in and around L.A. to photograph. Suggestions welcome.

I've had this internal discussion with myself (because I'm just that crazy) about how much personal information I should discuss here, and what kind of emotional disclosure I feel comfortable with. I've got a friend who was telling me recently that the reason he likes Bukowski is because he never talked about his god damned feelings. That's definitely a quality I enjoy in a writer. So I'm conflicted. Sometimes I have days where I just want to spew forth with tirades about how I feel about my family or my girlfriend or that homeless guy by my house who looks like he's dying, but more often than not I kick myself in the ass and tell myself, "Self, nobody wants to hear about your god damned feelings." So I hold back.

I want to make this damnable 'blog interesting. Unfortunately my writing skills seem to wax and wane in a fairly unpredictable manner. Sometimes I'm very satisfied with what I've posted here, and sometimes I'm horrified. I'm horrified right now, actually. Gah.

Also, I think I'm coming down with a cold. I've got a sore throat and I'm all sneezy, like the dwarf. I don't like being sick. Nobody does, really, except my friend Nick who says he wants to get sick sometimes, just for a change of pace. I don't know what he's smoking, but I don't want any if it makes you want to get sick.

babbled by Kat @ 4:52:00 PM | |

Wednesday, November 06, 2002

I woke up this morning with the theme song from Silver Spoons stuck in my head. Normally, I would find this remarkable, as I haven't seen the show in many, many years. However, my friend James, who is a completely insane DJ, created a CD which contains the theme songs to '80s TV shows, so I heard the theme song as recently as last Wednesday. Why it decided to pop into my head today is a mystery. Perhaps my subconscious is trying to tell me that, together, we're gonna find our way.

I've been working on my NaNoWriMo novel for the past several days. You know what? It's really fucking hard to write 50,000 words in a month. That said, it's still an interesting experience, and even though I'm behind on my word count I'm going to keep plugging away.


babbled by Kat @ 7:45:00 AM | |

Friday, November 01, 2002

First things first. I added commenting functionality to Dirtyfez. So start commenting already. Even if they're mean comments.

I had breakfast today at the cafeteria in my office building. Wait, who am I kidding - I have breakfast there every day. They make me omelettes, for chrissake. Yum. Anyway, today they ran out of to-go containers, so the cook covered my plate with plastic wrap. Plastic wrap freaks me out a little. You know the type - it's all clingy and weird and if you wrap it around the wrong way it's a pain in the ass to get it off. Also, the cheaper kinds smell funny, which is magnified if it's put over hot food like tasty omelettes. So I had to deal with the funny smell the whole time I was eating my omelette, which took away from my eating enjoyment, and now the stinky plastic wrap is in my trash. And it still smells.

In addition to the stinky plastic wrap fiasco, there are movers in my office today who are packing up a bunch of cubicle parts and other metal stuff to move to our new building. For some reason, they insist on tossing it around and making the most amount of noise possible. Since I am lacking the most important component of cubicle survival, a pair of headphones, I am being very distracted and disturbed by the extraordinarily loud noise levels in my work environment. It's making it incredibly hard to concentrate, so I decided to take a 5-minute break and complain about it to you, my beloved 3 1/3 readers.

Celebrity sighting of the week: I bet you thought I'd never see a celebrity again, what with my borderline agoraphobia and lack of free time. Wrong! While at my local watering hole/mediocre restaurant the other night, I saw none other than Heather Graham picking up a takeout order. Actually, this is a recurring sighting - she apparently attends something every Tuesday in the area and stops by afterwards to grab dinner. She got a veggie burger, incidentally. And she's much smaller than she appears onscreen.

babbled by Kat @ 11:21:00 AM | |