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Wednesday, December 31, 2003

Gib mir wieder etwas schönes:

As I sit here contemplating what I will say in my obligatory year-end wrap-up post, I sit in my living room listening to techno music coming from the apartment to my left and "Sweet Caroline" by Neil Diamond coming from the apartment to my right. Since the current song on my playlist is Interpol's "NYC", I can hear the traffic noise from the freeway through the window and my cat is purring quite loudly, I am experiencing quite a surreal, eclectic barrage of auditory stimuli. Seems kind of appropriate, given the year I had.

However, I am not going to write a summary of the past year because you've heard it all here already. Instead, I am going to take a cue from Newsweek, which dedicates its annual year-end issue to discussing who and what to pay attention to in the coming year. (Not only that, but they had Jon Stewart on the cover of that issue, and he's one of my favorite comedians ever, and if I wasn't already going to marry Eddie Izzard I'd probably propose to Jon.)

In the year to come, I intend to do the following:

  • Join the gym in my office building. This has nothing to do with any kind of resolution to go on a diet or lose weight or any of that crap, because I am generally happy with my body. It's about making sure my body is strong and having an outlet where I can physically release stress. Besides, the membership fee is reasonable and includes yoga, pilates, and ballet classes, and I've always wanted to become so flexible that I can put both legs behind my head at the same time. Yes, I'll post pictures when that happens.

  • Pay off my car loan. I have decided to make double payments each month on my auto loan, because I would really like to have it paid off by the end of 2004. Then I will own it outright, and can lease a ridiculous sports car if I feel like it.

  • Pay off my credit card debt. It's really not much at all, and I can pay it off in about 3 months. I just hate carrying a fucking balance on my credit cards. I make enough to pay this shit off and be 100% debt-free by the end of the year. It makes me feel all tingly just thinking about it.

  • Work more on writing. I've been talking about sending book proposals to several publishers for both technical and non-technical subjects, and I keep procrastinating because I'm an asshat. However, I think I stand a pretty good chance of getting the technical books published, since I've got two published tech geek books under my belt already, and I'm writing articles and speaking at conferences about said techie subject matter, so I'm just going to fucking go for it. And if I don't get a publisher for the non-techie book I want to write, I'm going to self-publish. Damn it.

  • Travel to the following places: Boston for a conference, Providence to see Kerry, Philly to see my big brother get married, New York because I miss it, the west coast of Ireland because it's just someplace I feel I need to go, England to visit Emma again, Scotland to do a distillery tour, and Vegas twice - once to take Shane to strip clubs and bars for his 30th birthday and a second time to take Robbie Rob to entirely different strip clubs and bars for his 21st birthday.

  • Stop making excuses not to follow my heart and just fucking do it.

    In the TMI department: I launched a pill diary to discuss my adventures with oral contraceptives. Because it's not uterme, it's uterus.

    babbled by Kat @ 1:57:00 PM | |

    Monday, December 29, 2003

    Promise her a definition:

    Got booze?I am home, and I swear to fucking christ I have never been happier to walk into a freezing cold loft in my life. Plus, I missed my cat, because I'm a sappy bastard like that, but really, there is something to be said for having a soft fuzzy creature that is so happy to see you that you can hear him purring from the next room.

    Anyway, I have officially decided that visiting family during the holidays is just a bad idea. Everyone feels pressured to do so, but when you feel forced or obligated to do something, you aren't necessarily going to be on your best behavior. I am not referring to myself but to the assclown that my mother is married to, and since there are plenty of assclowns right here in L.A., I think I'll stay home next time and eliminate the hassle of traveling.

    Now that I'm home I have to do a metric asston of work around the house, because I'm having a party this coming Saturday. I will be sending out invitations today, and then I get to begin the arduous process that is cleaning my loft. It's not filthy or anything, but since I will be having lots of guests and I assume there will be spilled drinks, nudity, and other activities befitting a highly intoxicated crowd, I need to make sure I am prepared. For example, while I do keep my bathroom quite tidy, I will take extra care to thoroughly clean the floors so that when someone passes out there after vomiting up an internal organ, just before losing consciousness they will say, "Wow, Kathleen has the cleanest tiles I've ever seen!"

    I debated setting up a webcam during the party, but since I am anticipating extreme levels of debauchery, I will refrain from doing so to protect the privacy of my incredibly hot guests. Instead, I will make sure my phonecam is at the ready if I need to capture any blackmail-worthy shots of my friends posing on the gyno table or making out with someone of indeterminate gender. Of course, they may end up being self-portraits.

    babbled by Kat @ 8:41:00 AM | |

    Saturday, December 27, 2003

    She sought cracked pleasures:

    I am in Phoenix right now. I just got back from Tucson. I would just like to ask you, my faithful readers, who stuck with me through hiatus and bad writing, to take preemptive action the next time that I mention spending more than two consecutive days in this godforsaken hellhole of a state and shoot me right between the eyes. Thanks.

    Actually, now that I am sitting in my lovely suite at my favorite Wyndham hotel, safely back in the warm, comforting arms of my beloved intarweb, I feel a little better. You see, in Tucson I had to put up with another hotel chain which shall remain nameless because my grandmother was paying for it, and though they promised free DSL in the room, it was down for the last 14 or so hours that we were staying there, which meant I had to sit in the hotel room with my mother and her husband and listen to them have conversations about ABSOLUTELY NOTHING for over two and a half hours with no fucking blissful internet distractions. At one point, I was starting to miss penis enlargement spam. That was the point when I realized I needed to consume several glasses of club soda liberally soaked in vodka, which enabled me to tune out the horror that was the conversation about nothing.

    Fortunately, this morning I was able to make a daring escape from Tucson with my grandmother in tow, and am now back in Phoenix. I'm going to hang out with some friends tonight, probably, though I think there's at least a 60% chance that one of us will cancel. At this point, I'd just rather curl up in my suite with my laptop, crack open a beer, and wish I was at home in my own bed.

    babbled by Kat @ 2:47:00 PM | |

    Wednesday, December 24, 2003

    Dance, sucker:

    During my absence from the dear old blog, a lot of things got done. Metric asstons of work were completed, a budding relationship was allowed to flourish, my cat got WAY more attention paid to him than usual, and a new project finally got launched. Once the goddamn design part is finished, I will be happy. In the meantime, go read the content, because it's extra super good, and have a nice Xmas, Hannukah, or whatever it is you celebrate, even if it's just an extra blessed day off. xo.

    babbled by Kat @ 10:57:00 PM | |

    Sunday, December 14, 2003

    With a gun for a lover and a shot for the pain:

    I'm taking a self-imposed hiatus from blogging for an as yet undetermined amount of time. I may or may not reappear to post new images on the moblog and I may or may not be posting obnoxious comments on other people's blogs in the meantime. This may or may not be a very short hiatus, which may or may not depend on how quickly I can finish several projects that may or may not have deadlines that are all fast approaching and may or may not be causing me to panic. And if you've made it this far in this post, you may or may not be happy I'm taking a hiatus so I can stop saying "may or may not" over and over.

    Occupy yourselves with porn while I'm gone

    babbled by Kat @ 4:08:00 PM | |

    Friday, December 12, 2003

    Pimp hat, part deux:

    So far I have been unsuccessful in recruiting an outsider to accompany me to the Brewery Xmas party, as every single worthy response has been from someone who lives too far away to realistically be able to make it to the party, unless I complete the repairs on the transporter before Thursday. So, while I console myself about the lack of enthusiasm from local readers, I will put my pimp hat back on and tell you about some shit my friends are up to that you should check out.

    My homie Tristan has some stuff for sale at this here CafePress store. His artwork is really nice and these items will make fabulous holiday gifts, not to mention that all profits benefit the L.A. Zoo's behavioral enrichment program, which provides activities for zoo animals to keep their minds and bodies busy, and Hopper Mountain National Wildlife Refuge, where California Condors from the L.A. Zoo's conservation program and other endangered animals are restored in their native environment. Also, going there and buying stuff and/or donating money to those causes totally gets you on my good side, and really, you don't want to be on my bad side.

    My homies Sean and Caryn at sixspace have two, count 'em, TWO openings this weekend at their fab gallery. One is The Drawing Show, with drawings from a lot of totally fucking amazing artists. The other is my friend Emmeric Konrad's latest show, Pedagogic Eruptions, next door at their new temporary space, 6PR. Some of the images are up on the gallery website now, but you should really see them in person because they are so good that you will pee your pants. Also, Emmeric is doing a live painting event at the opening. If you're in or near L.A. and you miss this opening, you are clearly a goober.

    Jason DeFillippo has lots of cool projects going on, like Blogrolling, Lockergnome, and blogging.la, and you would think he would be like "Yo, I have too many good ideas and I'm just busier than a Vegas hooker at Comdex '99," but no, instead he launched the No Access Project, which has photos of various places in L.A. that are designed to keep people out. It's fucking rad. Go look. I SAID NOW.

    I'm gonna have a party in January + launch my super top-secret project later this month so I will be pimping my own shit soon enough. Until then I will just have to continue promoting my homies, so shut it. And if you're in L.A., go fucking tell me how great I am in my previous post so you can win the competition to be my date for the goddamned Brewery party! God forbid I have to attend with one of my neighbors. Oh, the horror.

    Alex lets me touch her butt. A lot.

    babbled by Kat @ 6:58:00 PM | |

    Wednesday, December 10, 2003

    Fun auction:

    Hokay. So if you've read this blog for any length of time you know that I live at the Brewery Arts Complex near downtown L.A. because I just never fucking shut up about it, especially during artwalks. Anyway, every year the owners throw a holiday par-tay for the residents and we are allowed to bring a guest. Last year I was in a relationship with someone who also lives there, and the year before I was kinda new there so I didn't want to bring anyone from the outside and subject them to the scary art people, but this year I decided that since I am now just as scary as most of the scary art people, I will bring a guest, because if you can handle me, you can handle the rest of the Brewery crew.

    So, since I am currently a freewheelin' single gal and have lots of friends/acquaintances/hot motherfuckers to choose from, I figure the best way to go about choosing who I will bring to the party is by pitting my friends and reader(s) against each other on the 'Fez. So, if you're available next Thursday, single (or your partner doesn't mind if you hang out with some weird chick from the intarweb), don't mind drunken artists and can get yourself to the Brewery without too much trouble, start kissing my ass in the comments. Tell me how you'd be my slave for the evening. Lure me with promises of strong drinks and neck massages. Entice me with tales of your oral skills (yes, that kind, pervert). Bribe me with cold, hard cash. The best promise, offer, and/or bribe wins.

    What are you waiting for? Get to it!

    Update: What the hell is wrong with you people? Only 5 responses so far, all from people who live too far away to actually go? Do I have to fucking show you naked pictures or something? I do? Fine.

    Yum likes tall people

    babbled by Kat @ 12:37:00 PM | |

    Tuesday, December 09, 2003


    I'd do the same thing. But maybe without the silly facial expression.The last several days have been a whirlwind of excitement, intrigue, and mild sinus irritation. On Thursday I finalized the sessions I'm going to present at this geek conference I'm speaking at next May. They do it really far in advance because seriously, creating four 1.5-hour presentations with 70+ slides each takes a motherfucking long time. Anyway, I am really excited because one of the presentations will have a lot of Linux-related content, so I get to refamiliarize myself with a couple of different flavors of Linux and really just geek the fuck out for the next few months. I'll try not to get too overly absorbed, but if I start IMing you and asking you if you want to -rm -rf mypants, force me to leave the house and interact with other humans, please.

    On Friday I had to take my car in for service, which prompted me to go to the showroom and check out some new cars. I don't think I'll be buying a brand new car anytime soon, but I saw a couple of 2-year old hot-ass cars and I was going to take a test drive, but the motherfucking salespeople didn't even say hello to me. What, I'm good enough to buy my current car from Beverly Hills Audi but not good enough for your punk-ass Pasadena dealership? Yeah, well Hab SoSlI' Quch, motherfucker! My evening was much better than my day, because I got to hang out with my friend Karen and drink some ridiculously good scotch. Lesson learned: scotch makes everything better.

    On Saturday I did some thrift store shopping (my favorite) with my friend Patrick. We ran a couple of other errands and after he was finished antagonizing the living shit out of some striking grocery workers at the local market he made me look through a bunch of magazines to get an idea of what type of furniture I want to get for my loft. (I'm redecorating, woo.) Saturday evening was fairly eventful as it was time for the NaNoWriMo TGIO (thank geebus it's over) party. I also managed to slip away during the party to obtain the newest addition to my living room, which really ties the room together and gives it a much cozier, intimate feeling.

    Sunday I went to a party and was entertained by a bouncy dog, good company, tasty snacks, and conversations about things ranging from foot fetish modeling to cannibalism to pee to tattoos. Lesson learned: 9 times out of 10, you should have just peed on yourself.

    Or you could just ask, nuqDaq 'oH puchpa''e'?"

    Update: qoSlIj DatIvjaj! (that translates to "Jesus, Kat, you're a fucking geek")

    babbled by Kat @ 11:25:00 AM | |

    Wednesday, December 03, 2003

    Go with the flow:

    My hair has been just totally rockin' out lately and I keep catching my reflection and going "who is that hot redhead right there with the awesome hair" and then I realize it's me and I am totally surprised because I haven't done anything different to my hair lately and it just keeps looking fabulous all by itself. I don't know why it's happening, but I certainly hope that this trend continues.

    I am really excited about a lot of things that are going on in my life right now, but I can't tell you about any of them, which is quite a change for me. I am finding myself in the unusual predicament of having so much to say that I can blog every single day this week (so far) and yet I can't really give you any real information, so instead I just write about how I can't tell you stuff over and over but I word it differently every time so of course that makes it all the more entertaining for your asses.

    I can tell you, however, that I'm really excited about the super top-secret project that I'm working on, because it is shaping up to be totally kickass and you will all be in awe of my creativity, intellect, and most importantly, my association with some of the most talented motherfuckers in all existence. I'm also really excited about some geeky shit I'm doing at work, but we all know that the first rule of Work Club is that you can't talk about Work Club on your personal website. (However, I can tell you that I now totally grok grep. Hot.) In addition to all that, I am really excited about some stuff that is going on in my personal life, but I can't talk about some of it because you would think I was a dirty liar and I don't want to talk about the other part of it because I don't want to jinx it, but I will tell you that I am totally floored by how incredibly lucky I am.

    I wanna buy Sarah B. a drink someday

    babbled by Kat @ 4:20:00 PM | |

    Tuesday, December 02, 2003

    I wanna rock and roll all night, and SMS every day:

    Nipply!I was just looking at myself in the mirror and even though I'm wearing office-appropriate attire I think I look a little like a rock star today. This is mainly due to the fact that my hair is curly (well, it's always curly) and today it's a little fuller than usual and kind of looks like I just got out of bed after a wild, drug-induced orgy with seventeen barely legal groupies, two sherpas, and a mountie. In addition to my hair's badassness I am sporting a hot new low-cut fitted shirt and some sexay black boot-cut pants, with my favorite boots of course, and so all of this rock star action combined caused me to start throwing the goat and making pouty faces all '80s rocker chick style in the mirror. Fortunately, none of my coworkers came in while I was doing that so I think they all continue to harbor the illusion that I am still clinging to what passes for my sanity.

    So, after hanging out at the sci-fi con and in various other venues recently I realized that my current phone, which lacks an integrated camera but is badass in all other ways, just isn't cutting it for me. Sad, really, since I just got it when I switched to a new service provider a couple of months ago. I have a camera attachment for it, but it's a pain in the ass because I can't really keep it attached to the phone all the time and it's also painfully obvious when I am taking a photo of something, which is a problem if I am trying to surreptitiously snap a shot of a furry kissing a Klingon. But since I like all of the phone's other features I decided I wanted one that was similar, and ever since Sean started raving about his bitchen phone (and reviewed it here) I've really wanted to get one. It's basically really similar to the phone I have now but has an integrated camera and some other nifty features that I am currently lusting over. Unfortunately, my wireless provider informed me today that I can't upgrade the phone right now because I have to have my current phone for at least a year first, which of course had the doubly awesome effect of pissing me off and making me lust after the phone even more. In fact, I think I want to marry it and have its little Java-enabled babies. However, due to that little problem with my contract, I will either have to pay retail for one and toss my current phone's activation dealie into it, which seems a little wasteful since I've only had the current phone for a few months, or wait until like next September or some shit to get a new phone, at which time I expect it to be able to wash my dishes, do my laundry, fly, and make julienne fries as well as take photos and let me send e-mail while I'm sitting on the toilet. I know, what a dilemma. Once I decide what to do I'll be sure to update you... in the next edition of As the Fez Turns.

    Go congratulate Wil on his geektastic book deal!

    babbled by Kat @ 2:16:00 PM | |

    Monday, December 01, 2003

    Pimpin' ain't easy:

    Sup Father XmasI'm working on a top secret and totally kickass project with some hot motherfuckers right now and so all of my creative energies are over there in the corner obsessively working on it. In light of that and the fact that I want to punch someone in particular right now and am extremely tempted to talk major shit about that person, which would probably get me in trouble, I will instead put on my pimp hat and tell you about some sites you should fucking visit. Right now. Because I said so.

    Blogging.la is my friend Sean's new blog project thing. It looks awesome and I swear to fucking christ that Sean never stops coming up with good ideas, and seriously man, lay off, you're making the rest of us look bad.

    Speaking of Sean's good ideas, here's another one: Sent - it's the first ever phonecam art show. I mean, seriously, that is an awesome concept, but even if it wasn't, you can't go wrong when Weird Al is one of the artists.

    Last year I bought this Blook thing from this secksie motherfucker right here and now he's got Blook II - for your ass ready to drop. If it's half as good as the first one then it's worth it, so go get it.

    You also need to visit Jim because he's an excellent writer and has a really nice body, and we all know bloggers who are hot are just better; Kerry because she's an excellent writer and has a great rack and we all know bloggers with amazing hoots are just better; Alex because her comics make you laugh, cry, and think, and she's just hotter than you can even imagine, and I'm not just saying that because she lets me touch her butt; and Cyberbooty comics because my friend Tony does them and every time I read his comics they make me laugh so hard that a little pee comes out.

    New design + super top-secret project details + audblog coming really fucking soon.

    Jake is getting married today. Go congratulate him!

    babbled by Kat @ 9:48:00 AM | |