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Tuesday, March 30, 2004

Pure in heart, driven together:

Purity test results.

You answered "yes" to 81 of 100 questions, making you 19.0% sexually pure (81.0% sexually corrupt); that is, you are 19.0% pure in the sex domain. Your Weirdness Factor (AKA Uniqueness Factor) is 43%, based on a comparison of your test results with 879613 other submissions for this test. The average purity for this test is 56.5%.

Why am I not surprised at these results?

nicked from Sean

babbled by Kat @ 3:40:00 PM | |

Consolation for the old wound now forgotten:

I have been busier than a Vegas hooker at Comdex '99 lately, but not having nearly as much fun. However, I did manage to take some time out this weekend to go hang out at the Creation Grand Slam Sci-Fi Hootenanny and Fish Fry, which of course I mentioned in my last post. I did not mention, however, how much fucking fun I had. Was it because I got to hug Anthony Michael Hall? Was it because I got a ladle signed by the Soup Nazi that says "No Soup For You"? Was it because I got to totally objectify some incredibly attractive men, including Sala Baker (Sauron in LOTR), Ray Park (Toad in X-Men and Darth freakin' Maul!), and Troy the stuntman (no link, so you cannot verify the hotness, but just trust me on this one), who is pictured in all his hot glory here. Was it because I got to take a photograph of a lady and her dogs (named Mr. Data and Tasha Yar, incidentally), all three of which were dressed in Starfleet uniforms? Was it because people bought copies of my 'zine and asked me to sign it? Was it because they had a full bar directly outside the autograph room where I was sitting?

Or was it because I got to hang out and goof off with good friends all weekend and just relax and enjoy myself?

I think the answer you are looking for is "all of the above, but mainly the last one, because you are fucking sappy". Or maybe the answer you are looking for is "just how many drinks did you have at that convention, anyway?"

babbled by Kat @ 11:07:00 AM | |

Saturday, March 27, 2004

Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto:

So I went to this sci-fi convention today. I should probably elaborate, but really, I just got to hang out with my friends and staple zines and have snacks and beer, and it was good. I will mention several highlights, even though I said I would avoid my computer this weekend:

1. The guy who walked up while Anne and I were stapling 'zines and asked us each in turn if we were famous, and when we answered "no", said, "ok" and turned and walked away;
2. The bitchen cheesy '80s music that was played in the main auditorium;
3. I totally almost touched Anthony Michael Hall's butt. But I didn't, because I am a LADY.

Plus, when I got home, I found the greatest spam ever in my inbox. Observe (note the sender name):

Parody O'Cockiness!

babbled by Kat @ 12:52:00 PM | |

Friday, March 26, 2004

You can see your reflection on the luminescent dash:

I had to break my daily posting streak because I was aneurysm-inducingly busy doing my regular job, preparing for and delivering two webcasts, and designing the layout, editing, and printing the Cult of the One-Eyed Cat 'zine. To give you an idea of my schedule, on Wednesday I was working from 8 a.m. to 9:45 p.m. in the office, then worked from about 10:30 p.m. to 1 a.m. at home. Then I got up at 5 on Thursday, was in the office from 6 a.m. to 9:30 p.m., and worked until 1 a.m. last night. Today I am running on fumes, but after work I am going to go make some more copies of the 'zine and go fold, staple, and drink the night away.

Despite (or because of) this busy schedule, I have been in a fantastic mood all week. I've been insanely productive, which always puts me in a good mood, and yesterday I did two webcasts talking about some geeky technology stuff that went extremely well. I'm very happy with the way the career action is going, and I'm getting to play creatively too, so both sides of my brain are thoroughly content. This bodes well for the people I come in contact with on a regular basis as I am not nearly as full of misanthropic discontent as I normally am.

This weekend, I'm going to do two things: 1) take many naps and 2) go to the Creation Grand Slam Convention. That is it. I am not going to look at my computer. I am not going to work on any slides for the next talks I'm giving. I am not going to conduct any business. I am not going to write any essays. I am just going to relax, enjoy the company of friends, and maybe read a stroke mag a book that isn't in electronic form.

Oh, and the winner of the free copy of the 'zine is Drew, so please to be sending me your mailing information, kthx. Final scores: Scott: 6, Thym: 4, Adam: 12, Sean: 3, Drew: 14 + bonus archive hunter credit, Missuh: 1 3/4, br: 1/2, Pablo: 1. For the record, the answers were 1) bi (but "any" or "anything with a heartbeat" were both acceptable to the judges), 2) black, 3) monkey, 4) baseball (but I do love hockey too, so that got br 1/2 point), 5) 16, 6) See Drew's answers in the comments to the previous post as they were 100% correct, though I would've accepted Yeats' No Second Troy as the answer to the March 19 post, and 7) 3.

Bonus question for a copy of the 'zine + a sticker: How old is my daughter? Answer in comments, please.

babbled by Kat @ 4:05:00 PM | |

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

Talking sweet about nothing:

My stomach feels like it was turned inside out and given a bath in rubbing alcohol and a stern talking-to. Hopefully it will feel better by tomorrow because I really need to be back in the office to do an assload of work. Stupid stomach.

In other news, do you remember that super top-secret project I mentioned that I was working on, but I couldn't tell you about it because then I'd have to kill you, and I could totally kill you because I am a ninja assassin for the Irish mafia and we have ways of knowing where you live and sneaking up on you when you least expect it? Well, now I can tell you without killing you in your sleep/car/mistress' bed. (By the way, what are you doing wearing her panties? I don't think that red satin really suits your complexion.)

Wil, Alex, and I have worked hard and consumed more than our fair share of Guinness creating a totally kickass, punk-rawk DIY print version of some of the best posts at Cult of the One-Eyed Cat. The first printing will be sold exclusively at the Creation Grand Slam convention in Pasadena this weekend. More funtimes information about where you can get it is here.

However, since I know some of my amazingly intelligent and incredibly good-looking readers will not be able to make it because you don't live in southern California (which, incidentally, I don't think is much of an excuse, ya cheap bastards), I will send a copy to the lucky motherfucker who is the first person to answer the following questions. If you can't get them all correct, the first person to get the most answers correct wins. Aren't you excited? Ew, you are. Put that thing away.

Dirty Fez Quiztacular:

1. What is my sexual orientation?
2. What is my favorite color?
3. What is my favorite animal?
4. What is my favorite spectator sport?
5. How many people on my blogroll do I know in real life?
6. Name the origin of the titles of each post on Dirty Fez, starting with Sunday, March 14 and ending with this post.
7. How many tattoos do I have?

Vote early and often! Actually, early is more important. So get to it!

Update: Apparently #6 is unclear. Each post title that I use is from something - a song, a poem, etc. For example, in the archives, the March 13 entry title "Girls on film" is from a Duran Duran song. So, if it's a song title, tell me the song and artist; if it's a poem, tell me the poem and author; and so on.

Oh, and post your answers in the comments. E-mail submissions are ok, but I reserve the right to post them as a comment because it's more fun when everyone can see everyone else's answers.

babbled by Kat @ 1:18:00 PM | |

Monday, March 22, 2004

Sweatin' all the bitches in the biker shorts:

Yesterday and today have not been very pleasant ones for my stomach. Yesterday I was kind of nauseous all day with a side order of occasional puking and today I feel like I got run over by a dump truck or perhaps Star Jones. At first I thought it was something I ate on Friday night, but then my friend Anthony told me it was probably stress, so I am going to agree with him, but only because he's incredibly good-looking.

So, since I feel like I got kicked in the gallbladder repeatedly by a renegade team of howler monkeys, I am staying home from work today. This means that I can spend a lot of time not wearing any pants. Oh, and resting.

Isn't it funny how I always get sick at the most inopportune times possible? My body is a fucking practical joker. Stupid body.

babbled by Kat @ 10:15:00 AM | |

Sunday, March 21, 2004

Growing darkness taking dawn:

All my stuff keeps breaking. The camera attachment for my phone stopped working, which makes me sad because I like taking photos of naked women in the locker room people on the street. The sunroof in my car keeps opening by itself, which means I either have an electrical problem or the motor is all spazzy. And today when I got home from the store, I discovered that the delicious hummus that I had purchased had a broken container, so I was faced with a hummus explosion in my grocery bag. Goddammit, I was really looking forward to some hummus.

I have so much shit to do in the next few days that I may have to break my ridiculous posting spree. I have posted every single day for 15 days! Holy shit. Please forgive me if I do not post a lot in the next week or so, because I'll be so busy that I won't really have time to do anything but work and masturbate shower.

However, if you would like to pitch in and help me with some work, please let me know. I need volunteers with the following skills: making copies, stapling, writing massive amounts of technical documentation about web application servers, sensual massage, and gourmet microwave cooking. I am actually only sort of kidding about this, so if you want to help a sista out, applications are being accepted below.

babbled by Kat @ 8:48:00 PM | |

Saturday, March 20, 2004

Damn it feels good to be a gangsta:

I worked on my top secret project and some techie job-related shiznit this morning and then went to the Wizard comic-con thingy in the LBC with my homegirl Jessica. I am tired, because walking around looking at comic books wears me out, so I will give a full review later. For now, some highlights:

I finally saw the bling bra.
Lou Ferrigno looked kind of sad. But large.
I bought three really disturbing prints. Excellent. I needed new art.
I saw a lot of friends: Tim Vigil, Mattbooty, Johann, Monster Rod, John, and this one guy Pete who I haven't seen in like 6 and a half years. Comics == small fucking world.
I met Brian Posehn and you didn't.

I will post more extensively about this later, when I am not falling asleep on my keyboard.

babbled by Kat @ 11:29:00 PM | |

Friday, March 19, 2004

Had they but courage equal to desire:

If there is one thing that annoys me more than anything else about people's behavior, it is avoidance. I know I am guilty of this sometimes, and that is probably why it bothers me so much - I tend to be really irritated by traits I see in other people that I dislike about myself. For the most part, however, I just don't fucking get it when people can't just tell other people what's on their mind. Angry about something I did or said? Tell me, and I'll make every effort to make amends and never say or do that again. Don't want to go on a second date? Better to just let me know than to not reply to my e-mail. Unsure about the meaning of something I said to you? Ask me. I don't understand why some people insist on just avoiding the situation instead of getting things out into the open and resolving them. Whatever. People are fucking odd.

In other news, I think that someone put some rocket fuel under the ass of my voodoo doll and lit it on fire, because I am so motivated to get shit done all of a sudden that it's almost scary. I got so many things cleared off my to-do list this morning that I almost thought that I had entered some alternate universe where time moved at a different rate of speed. (Note to self: watching the Sci-fi channel too much can lead to thoughts like these. Proceed with caution.) I certainly hope that this momentum continues, but in order to ensure that it does, I am going to stop by the store and get 87 energy drinks to carry me through the weekend.

I have also been thinking lately about how I sometimes say some fairly inappropriate things to my friends and acquaintances. For a moment I thought that I should make more of an effort to edit myself, but then I decided against it. I am not really concerned about it because I manage to edit myself in professional situations (i.e., situations which result in me being paid a salary and/or consulting fees), and outside of those situations I really do not give a rat's ass what people think of me. So if I feel comfortable enough with you to let my guard down and say things like "I'd like to be elbow-deep in that bitch" or tell you a dead baby joke, you should feel honored, because I don't say that kind of classy shit to just anybody.

babbled by Kat @ 3:05:00 PM | |

Thursday, March 18, 2004

I'm running towards nothing:

I tend to take on far too many projects at once, but for some reason, I feel utterly calm about the ridiculously busy schedule I have coming up. I think that is partially due to the fact that I work well under pressure, but it also may very well be due to the fact that I am happier with my life than I have been in a long time. I do feel like there is something just ever-so-slightly out of place, which accounts for my occasional malaise and self-doubt, but even though I haven't been able to pinpoint it yet, I feel like I am doing pretty goddamned well right now. Of course, pride goeth before a fall, and all that. Watch, tomorrow I'll probably get beaten up by a roving gang of angry midgets or flicked in the forehead by the hand of God or something.

This weekend, my plans include work, work, a visit to a comic book geekfest, and more work. That last link is really only going to be meaningful to you if you do what I do for a living. If not, you will just be like "that Kat is such a fucking computer geek. I hate her." Or something.

babbled by Kat @ 6:10:00 PM | |

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

Kiss me, I'm shitfaced:

I am working from home today. That means I am totally not wearing pants.

In honor of St. Patrick's Day, I invite you to go read the super fucking awesome St. Patty's Day Edition at the Cult of the One-Eyed Cat. It's jam-packed with Irish goodness. It has some excellent fiction by Wil, horoscopes courtesy of the lovely Kari, and two items from me - a guide to surviving an Irish pub crawl and some random Irish facts that are sure to either increase your knowledge or fill up your head with useless information so that there is no more room for anything important.

Update: I just noticed that there are fares that are like $300 round-trip from Los Angeles to Honolulu. I'm thinking of going at the end of May to reward myself for working my bunghole off for the last few months. Anyone want to join me?

babbled by Kat @ 11:51:00 AM | |

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

Behind my smile, it shakes my teeth:

Letters I wrote in my head this morning on the way to work:

Dear Impatient Motherfucker Behind Me At The Corner Of Main And Daly:

Thank you for honking at me just because I moved my foot from the brake pedal to the accelerator 1/30 of a second too slow for you. I am sorry that my inability to turn the corner at the exact instant that the light turned green made you so upset. However, I hope that I made it up to you by making you crap your pants when I cut you off on the 1st Street bridge.

The Girl Who Should Never Be Allowed To Own A Handgun

Dear Lady In The Lobby Bathroom In My Building:

Dear GOD, woman! What the hell did you eat?

The Woman In The Next Stall Who Nearly Passed Out From The Fumes

Dear Guy Ahead Of Me In Line At Starbucks:

I am sorry, but ordering a triple venti nonfat no-whip white chocolate mocha with a "just a little splash of caramel" makes you sound kind of gay.

The Girl Who Gave You Two Snaps Up Behind Your Back

Dear Guy In The Elevator Who Saw Me Walking Up Just Before The Doors Closed:

Thanks for holding the door for me. Oh, wait, that's right, you didn't. You pressed the "close doors" button, because waiting an extra half a second for me to get into the elevator would have been such a fucking hardship. That was a sweet sweater vest you had on, though.

Yours Truly,
The Chick Who Really Didn't Mind Waiting Because There Was A Hot Girl In The Lobby And You Missed Her, Ha-ha

Dear My Uterus:

Ow. Quit it.

The Girl Who Should Buy Stock In Advil

babbled by Kat @ 9:56:00 AM | |

Monday, March 15, 2004

The bitch is back:

Something is just not right in my head. Observe:

Kat: You know what's as boring as sex with a Quaker?
Steve: um, sex with the Amish?
Kat: Writing technical documentation.
Steve: Yeah, that probably blows
Kat: Besides, the Amish stick their hands up cows, so you know you could probably get them to do some kinky shit
Steve: ew

I expect a lightning bolt to strike me any minute now.

babbled by Kat @ 2:33:00 PM | |

I want a boy so drunk he doesn't talk:

Cheap as love!I would like someone to explain to me how it could possibly be the middle of March already. Wasn't it just January, like, last week? One of you motherfuckers has some sort of time machine and you're just fucking with my head, right? Yeah. I thought so.

I have been thinking really heavy thoughts for the last few days and so I'm not feeling all that funny at the moment. I was going to try and write something with my usual colon-splitting hilarity, but nothing is really surfacing. I mean, what could I talk about? The way my cat nearly killed himself by trying to fit his head through a spot in my coffee table that was about 3x too small just so he could get the tiniest piece of crazy chicken? The way that my ditzy blond friend says "for all intensive purposes" and thinks he is speaking correctly? The sheer amount of physical will that it takes for me not to shriek "it's for all INTENTS AND PURPOSES, you dumb fuck!" at the top of my lungs? The way that I drive around in my car singing "Radar Love" as loud and off-key as humanly possible, without realizing that the sunroof is open? How my job has gotten so stressful that it has caused me to lose my mind and think that any of the above is funny?

Yeah. I should just wait to post until I stop feeling all serious and shit.

babbled by Kat @ 10:10:00 AM | |

Sunday, March 14, 2004

You got the peaches, I got the cream, sweet to taste, saccharine:

This weekend all kinds of crap went on. Some of it good, some of it bad, some of it indifferent, all of it involving me being really tired, avoiding all responsibility, and/or spending a lot of money. I also worked on a bunch of stuff for my speaking engagements and for my regular job, and I think I may have to back out of the webcasts I am supposed to do because I am too fucking busy to do them. I know I agreed to, but my actual day-to-day job comes first, because they pay my salary and I have to finish work for them before I do any for anyone else. I have a replacement, so hopefully the site editor won't hate me too much if I have to back out, which I'll have to decide by the end of the day tomorrow. Whee.

Also, in the last several days, I learned that: I am not as young as I think I am and I need more sleep than I think I can get away with; people in a particular west L.A. bar are either all fresh off a bus from central Idaho or they need to get out more, if they can't handle seeing me make out with another girl; it is a true mark of comedic talent if you can do an entire sketch in a foreign language and make your whole audience crack up; I am very smart about some things but make shitty decisions about others; and I think I really need to re-evaluate what it is I want out of life, because while some of what's going on is working for me, a lot of other things aren't. And I need to fix that.

And even though I'm mired in angst and feeling quite shitty at the moment, my cat is stretching out on his back and showing me his fuzzy belly, and that makes everything better.

babbled by Kat @ 11:45:00 PM | |

Saturday, March 13, 2004

Girls on film:

I don't know about you, but I could really go for some girl-on-girl action right about now.

And by girl-on-girl, I mean girl-on-me.

Update: ha.

babbled by Kat @ 3:45:00 PM | |

Friday, March 12, 2004

This won't be played on your radio tonight:

Last night after work I went to the San Gabriel Valley Linux User Group meeting. I was a little late because the traffic on the 110 was the worst traffic in the history of anything. Seriously, it should not take me an hour and a half to get from LAX to Caltech. Anyway, I figured going to this particular meeting would be appropriate since a) I have been writing slides to finish up my presentation about Linux for the last several days in a row, and so I had Linux on the brain already and b) Wil was giving a talk about Movable Type, which I am madly in love with. Though Blogger and I have been dating for a really long time now, we're in an open relationship, and once I met Movable Type I knew it was the one for me. I saw fireworks just like in that one episode of the Brady Bunch when Peter kissed that girl and then got mono or something. Anyway, there was much talk about MT plugins and I foresee an awful lot of Movable Type hax0ring in my near future. Also, even though I don't technically live in the San Gabriel Valley, I spend an awful lot of my free time there, so hopefully the LUG will let me come back. Pretty please?

Anyway, after the meeting, my fellow cultist and I retired to a pub in Old Town and talked about the super cool punk rock project we're doing with the Cult and a kickass artist. I cannot tell you details of the project yet because I would have to kill you or at least slap you around a bit with a frozen weasel, but when it is complete you can be sure I will demand that you give me money if you want to learn my secrets tell you all about it.

Also, after obtaining some change last night to pay for parking, I now have a new obsession pastime: Where's George? I got a dollar bill that was stamped with the Where's George URL and now I feel that I should mark all of my money with this URL and track my shiznit. As if I weren't already geeky enough. Jesus.

babbled by Kat @ 11:15:00 AM | |

Thursday, March 11, 2004

Drivin' in my car, livin' like a star:

I cannot fucking believe it is Thursday already. Where the hell did this week go?

I was a good girl yesterday and worked my butt off on one of my presentations and now I'm almost done with it, so I can focus on the next one, and then I'll be completely done with the slides for that conference. Then I have to immediately start on the slides for a Web conference I'm doing in a couple of weeks and then I have to start on an article I probably shouldn't take on and then I have to create a presentation for another Web conference I'm doing in April and THEN I have to practice all the presentations I'm working on right now because it'll almost be time to go speak at the actual conference. Which reminds me, holyshitIhavetobookmyplanetickets. Man, time fucking flies when you're busy.

If all that weren't enough, I am also working on a personal project and attempting to have some semblance of a social life. The personal project doesn't take much work because almost all of the content is completely finished, but for some reason it is immensely fulfilling, which is certainly helpful for my mental state when I am stressed and busy. The social life is necessary so that I do not go insane. If I were left to my own devices, I think that I would retreat into my loft, only coming out late at night to forage for food at the local 7-11. Anyway, to delay that inevitable situation, I am going out on Friday night for sushi with a very funny fellow redhead who is trying to convince me to consume an oyster shooter, and I am going out on Saturday night with a really hot girl to see some comedy and consume some alcohol. Lest you think that these social activities will hamper progress on my work, they will not, as I have created a quite detailed, nay, anal, schedule for completion of my projects that still allows for a tiny bit of leisure time. Also, if for some reason I do not complete my projects on time, I have retained a fairly large assistant named Bane who will flog me repeatedly until I am done. I'm sure my editors will thank me for it.

babbled by Kat @ 2:22:00 PM | |

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

A smell of wine and cheap perfume:

my sweet, sweet baby girlIt's random fun facts about Kathleen time! Aren't you excited?

  • My dad is Catholic and my mom is Protestant. This makes me the evil spawn of Satan, according to both sides of the family. I try to live up to that.

  • I have three fairly large tattoos and ten piercings, but I still manage to look like I fit in in a corporate environment.

  • I am not a morning person.

  • In addition to cats, I have, in the past, owned pet rats and snakes. How goth of me.

  • I am convinced I am going to die when I am 38. Coincidentally, the Mayan calendar ends in that year, which to some people signifies the end of the world. This is further proof that the world revolves around me.

  • My neck is kind of sore right now.

  • I can say "hello" and "thank you" in 8 languages: English, German, Spanish, French, Italian, Chinese, Japanese, and Korean. I can proposition someone in three languages: English, German, and French. I'm working on the other five.

  • When I was a kid, I wanted to be Punky Brewster.

  • I collect shot glasses because they are a cheap (under $5, usually) way to mark the places I've been. Plus, they are useful for serving alcohol laced with roofies tasty beverages.

  • I named my car Marlene Dietrich.

  • Making out is one of my favorite activities.

  • I bet the only item on this list that you people are going to comment on is the one immediately above this one. Freakin' perverts.

    babbled by Kat @ 2:10:00 PM | |

    Tuesday, March 09, 2004

    Get crazy with the Cheez-wiz:

    Last night while I was reading a computer book I had VH-1's I Love the '80s Strikes Back on in the background. It was the 1981 episode. They were talking about all the pop culture goodness that was going on in 1981, and they started talking about Journey. Now, if you have been reading this blog for any length of time and have paid attention, you know I love me some Journey (who are nothing without Steve motherfuckin' Perry, you know). They taught me so many excellent life lessons. I will welcome you with open arms, even after we've gone our separate ways. Though I don't know where I'll be tomorrow, I won't stop believin'. Steve Perry, any way you want it - I'm forever yours, faithfully.

    Then I realized that it's not just Journey that I love. It's not just the perfect balance of cheesiness and rocking the fuck out that Journey so effortlessly acheived. No, I love most, if not all, cheesemetal. Styx, REO Speedwagon, Boston, Chicago, Foreigner - I'll bust out my Bic lighter and wave it proudly over my head as you sing your power ballads.

    So, to all those cheesemetal bands that I listened to in the '80s and still continue to enjoy today on "classic rock" stations: Take me home tonight. I can't fight this feeling anymore - in fact, it's more than a feeling. I'm addicted to you, babe, and you know I'll keep on lovin' you. I, too, want to know what love is, even though sometimes you're as cold as ice. I'll sail away with you any day of the week, especially if you're a dirty white boy. Domo arigato, indeed. You truly are a hard habit to break.

    babbled by Kat @ 11:05:00 AM | |

    Monday, March 08, 2004

    While the thing I am becomes something else:

    Sometimes I feel totally overwhelmed with the sheer number of projects that I have to do, but then I realize that most of the time, the reason that I feel so overwhelmed is because I procrastinate. Sometimes I procrastinate by surfing the intarweb or writing here or there or in my emo livejournal. Sometimes I procrastinate by hanging out with friends. Sometimes I just get fucking sick of computers and read a book or go outside or something, which may or may not be procrastination but is entirely necessary for maintaining my sanity and eyesight. Lately, though, no matter what I do I can't seem to get shit done, even when I'm not procrastinating. I don't know if it's writer's block or what, but I've been working on two things in particular for the last few weeks and I'm just freakin' stuck. I keep opening the files and staring at them and re-reading what I've already written, and I'm not satisfied, but for the life of me I can't figure out what to fix/add/remove. And my deadline to complete both of them is today.

    How much you wanna bet that my editor's gonna wring my neck?

    At least if she kills me I won't have to deal with the writer's block anymore.

    babbled by Kat @ 2:01:00 PM | |

    Sunday, March 07, 2004

    When this baby hits 88 MPH, you're gonna see some serious shit:

    I just went out for a short drive to satisfy my ongoing craving for burrrrritos, and while I was on the freeway I encountered two very distinctive vehicles: a big white bus that said "JESUS BUS" in huge letters across the back, and a DeLorean. Only in L.A.

    Speaking of L.A., it's fucking hot as fuck today. Even my cat is wilting.

    babbled by Kat @ 3:52:00 PM | |


    I went out on Saturday night with some friends and was again reminded of how fucking lucky I am to have such kickass friends. Seriously, I know that's really sappy, but I've been fortunate enough to find a bunch of friends who are smart, funny, generous, nice, and just generally good people. Plus, they all have really nice asses.*

    First I went to my favorite gallery where I met up with the homies, grabbed a couple of booties, and looked at some amazing art. Then we went to the comedy theatre and laughed our fucking asses off, which was followed by food and drink and good company.

    See? This whole "leaving the house" thing has its benefits! Who knew?

    After I got home I couldn't sleep, which is why I am posting this in the middle of the freakin' night. My mind is racing with all sorts of ideas for projects, both personal and professional. So, of course, I turned to TV for inspiration.

    Why is it that every single movie that is on at this hour on the pay stations are scary ones? I don't want to watch Flatliners or some other creepy movie when I'm trying to go to sleep. The only movie I could find that wasn't technically in the horror genre was Twins, but that's still kind of scary - who wants to have dreams about the Governator and the Penguin? I sure as hell don't.

    Fortunately, I have some nice porn, which is sure to give me very pleasant dreams. Whether I'll be well-rested after said dreams is unclear.

    *Come on, you didn't think I could get through that much sap without at least one inappropriate comment, did you?

    babbled by Kat @ 3:59:00 AM | |

    Thursday, March 04, 2004

    I just don't know what to do with myself:

    Warning: this post has sections that are entirely unrelated. Oh, the humanity.

    Not only is it the Robbie Rob's birthday today, it is this really hot lady's birthday too. I would think that there was some kind of cosmic force that makes really awesome people be born on this day, but I know a totally un-awesome person whose birthday is also today, but I can't tell you who he is because it might jeopardize my status as an undercover ninja operative for the Irish mafia, and though I love to disclose everything to my faithful readers, I just can't screw up this mission. The future of Teegeeack, and my paycheck, depends upon it.

    Last night I had some fucking weird-ass dreams. I don't even know what to make of them. Robin Williams was there again, but he was really mean to me this time. He told me my photography sucked and that I had no eye. Perhaps it is my subconscious telling me the same thing. Ah well, fuck it. If my subconscious and/or Robin Williams don't like my photography they can suck my ass.

    I think one of my other dreams involved a lemur.

    I need someone to give me approximately $7.3 million dollars after taxes so that I can continue to live for the next 50 or so years at the same standard of living, while also investing in my own businesses, so that I can have time to work on all the projects that I want to work on. I have doubled the number padded the number a little to adjust for inflation and also to fund a wardrobe change, because if I ever do become independently wealthy and start twelve different businesses I want to dress like one of those weird eccentric ladies in the movies that are always someone's rich maiden aunt.

    Secretly, my true ultimate goal in life is to be the lady who lives in that creepy old house in the neighborhood that the kids are afraid to go to when they go trick-or-treating because they think she's a witch.

    This weekend I have some quite excellent plans that I am really looking forward to. They involve art, comedy, telling Sean that he smells funny, and more art. Oh, and obtaining a staple gun. But that's for causing injury to my enemies a top secret project.

    Unlike last weekend, however, I do not have plans to have a half dozen orgasms. However, if you are feeling overly generous and would like to bestow some upon me, I certainly will not protest.

    Forgive me for the scattered post. I am mesmerized.

    babbled by Kat @ 1:21:00 PM | |

    Wednesday, March 03, 2004

    As the flames rose to her Roman nose and her Walkman started to melt:

    My BFF and I have deep, meaningful conversations about very important current events and the many and varied issues that are facing us today in these ever-changing times. Observe:

    Kat: !!!!11!!1one
    Rob: !?1/
    Kat: they are making a live-action battle angel alita movie!!!!!!!!!!!!!oneoneone!~etc
    Rob: what whatwhat
    Kat: it's true! look!!!
    Kat: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Kat: one!
    Rob: that gets me hot
    Kat: me too
    Kat: let's hope cameron doesn't fuck it up
    Rob: look, just because dark angel sucked horrible ass doesn't mean anything.
    Rob: the man did Aliens.
    Kat: that is true
    Kat: for instance:
    Kat: just because gigli sucked horrible ass doesn't mean anything.
    Kat: the man did beverly hills cop
    Rob: agreed.
    Rob: there is no one alive who doesn't like beverly hills cop.
    Rob: eddie murphy back when he used to say "fuck"? who can deny the funny?
    Kat: NOBODY, that's who
    Rob: ex-fucking-xactly.

    My BFF is turning 21 tomorrow. Go wish him a happy birthday.

    babbled by Kat @ 2:00:00 PM | |

    Tuesday, March 02, 2004


    Today I will be working at the polls, helping my neighborhood voters cast their votes for not only the Democratic primaries but several propositions, some Senate re-elections, and some judges.

    If you live in California, go vote!

    Also, I'm staging a write-in campaign for myself, for Barbara Boxer's Senate seat. She's running unopposed, so I say, write me in as her opposition! If you don't know my real name, e-mail me and I'll tell you. (I can't actually win since I'm working the polls. But go ahead anyway, if you wanna. It'd make my momma proud.)

    In any case, I already have three votes. Go, me! It's making me actually consider running for City Council in the next election. God help me.

    Update: Find your polling place here.

    babbled by Kat @ 1:06:00 AM | |

    Monday, March 01, 2004

    Caught in a slew of nasty lies:

    Dirty Fez makes baby Jesus cry!This weekend was really interesting for me, in that I realized a lot of things about myself. Some of them are kind of dumb and involve things like my tendency to be a pack rat (an inherent paranoia that I will need the item, no matter how insignificant it may seem, at a future date) or the reason why it has taken me longer to get over my last relationship than it's ever taken me in the past (because she lives next fucking door, durr), and so I will not bore you with them. However, I will be happy to elaborate on one of them because I know you are just dying to know what goes on inside of my head when I am left to my own devices and spend a weekend contemplating everything from interpersonal relationships to the nature of the universe with only the help and guidance of excessive pornography and Rock Star energy drinks. I'll sell you the whole seat, but you'll only need THE EDGE!!

    So, my profound, enlightened conclusion is this: I am a hypocritical asshole. Why, you ask? Because I insist on following the tradition of giving something up for Lent while completely eschewing, if not outright condemning, everything else that has to do with the religion that spawned that tradition. My connection to Catholicism is only secured by the tiniest familial and historical thread. It holds no meaning for me. The tradition meant something to me the first two years I did it, because Catholicism was a big part of the beginnings of a spiritual quest that I embarked on in my early 20s, but after I moved on in my quest and my attachment to Catholicism waned, I only kept up the tradition for stupid reasons - mainly to prove that I could do it, to myself and to others. The only things that I gained from remaining beholden to the Lenten tradition were arguments about religion with friends and a deep-seated feeling of hypocrisy. Therefore, I am not going to continue the tradition any longer.

    Of course, I'll still remain completely fascinated by religion and spirituality. It's one of the most interesting aspects of humanity, in my opinion - what people do to try to make sense of things they don't understand. I'm just going to approach it from now on as an interested observer, not a participant.

    Also, interestingly enough, last night I had some dreams which didn't speak to this particular subject but addressed some other issues I think I've been avoiding in my personal life. Issues of vulnerability, responsibility, and other fun stuff that I will, of course, discuss here sooner or later, because who would I be if I wasn't baring my fucking soul to a bunch of strangers, friends, and strangers who have become friends? Ah, the wonders of the intarweb.

    P.S. I only completed two of the 8 items on the weekend to-do list in Friday's post. Guess which two?

    babbled by Kat @ 2:53:00 PM | |