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Wednesday, May 26, 2004

Neurotransmitted trash:

Sweet Jesus on a crap cracker, you people sure are fucking quiet when I write about serious stuff. I should've known better. I'm not really a serious person. I make a fucking joke out of everything, even dead babies. So I think I'll just stick to talking about lighthearted things like my vagina and its secret identity as a crime-fighting ninja.

I've still got some traces of the plague, but I'm recovering a bit now that I've been home for a while and away from all the evil germs that are present in places like airplanes and Philadelphia. I'm not a fan of being sick and I don't really get colds that often under normal circumstances, but at least it is affording me excuses to remain in my South Park pajamas until mid-afternoon. Fuck getting dressed, I'm sick.

I need this recovery time so that I can continue with my jet-setting plans for the summer. I'll be going to San Diego for a day in June, then Toronto for four days, then San Diego again for what is turning out to be the best comic-con ever, then Vegas, then Philadelphia. All of this travel will take place between June 26 and August 16. That is a lot of shit to do in a summer, isn't it? I was planning on fitting New York in there somewhere, and I might - actually, I just fucking realized while I was typing this that I have a free ticket to NYC sitting in my frequent flyer account, so why the fuck don't I use it to go to NYC, then down to Philly for my birthday? GOD I'M BRILLIANT.

I just realized that when I'm really happy, I can't fucking write anything funny. Someone please come over and light my cat on fire or something so I can be miserable and creative again. Anyone? Bueller?

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a BMW? (highlight below for the answer)
I don't have a BMW in my garage.


babbled by Kat @ 1:26:00 PM | |


Tuesday, May 25, 2004

In haunted attics:

My heart has been broken exactly three times.

The first time was when my grandfather died. It's a different kind of heartbreak, the heartbreak you experience when one of your most beloved family members dies. My grandfather was invincible - he'd had four heart attacks, three open-heart surgeries, one a triple bypass. He was resilient, always bouncing back to his fit, chipper self. At 80, he seemed to have the agility and fitness level of a man 30 years his junior.

We had an argument the night he had the stroke. I was 16, and a few months earlier I had given my daughter up for adoption. I was rebellious, contentious, what people would refer to as a "troubled teen". I was an asshole. I don't remember what the argument was about, now - it was probably something completely trivial. Several hours after the argument, he was watching the news, and collapsed in the living room.

He didn't die right away. He was in the hospital until the following afternoon. My mother didn't call me to tell me until after he died. She said that he wouldn't have wanted me to see him like that - weak, hooked up to machines to keep him alive. I never got to say goodbye to my favorite person on the planet. I never got to apologize for behaving like such an ass and causing him distress. He loved me unconditionally through some of the darkest days in my life and I felt like I took him for granted. My heart crumbled.

He was always somewhat sad that I went on a dark path, that I didn't live up to my potential. His death changed that path. This month marks the 13th anniversary of his death, and I'd like to think that I've spent those 13 years doing things that would have made him proud.

Rest in peace, Grandpa. I love you.


babbled by Kat @ 10:32:00 AM | |


Monday, May 24, 2004

Working as a waitress in a cocktail bar:

I was talking to my friend about Hooters today, and I was mentioning that I've been in a lot of them. He's in San Diego right now and has a Hooters right across the street from his hotel. I proceeded to tell him that the San Diego Hooters girls are among the hottest. Then I realized that I have been to so many Hooters "restaurants" in so many cities that I actually have mentally ranked each city by the quality of their Hooters girls. I don't know if that's sad, or fantastic.

(By the way, San Diego and Orange County - tied for hottest. Least hot? Paramus, NJ. Not very surprising, is it?)


babbled by Kat @ 4:48:00 PM | |




I'd cut off both your wings on principle alone:

The fact that Congress has a bill up for consideration to reinstate the draft has been whipping its way around lots of blogs in the past few days. These bills aren't just for a regular draft, however; they are for mandatory military service for everyone age 18-26. These bills, HR 163 and S 89, referred to as the Universal National Service Act, do the following:

Declares that it is the obligation of every U.S. citizen, and every other person residing in the United States, between the ages of 18 and 26 to perform a two-year period of national service, unless exempted, either as a member of an active or reserve component of the armed forces or in a civilian capacity that promotes national defense. Requires induction into national service by the President. Sets forth provisions governing: (1) induction deferments, postponements, and exemptions, including exemption of a conscientious objector from military service that includes combatant training; and (2) discharge following national service.

Amends the Military Selective Service Act to authorize the military registration of females.


Everyone is all up in arms about this, and they should be - this is required, mandatory military service, not a random draft lottery. You turn 18, you join the military. There are provisions for conscientious objectors, but they are very vague and don't exempt you from service - you'd still have to serve, just in a non-combatant capacity. In addition, Canada has signed an agreement with the United States that would make it much harder for draft dodgers to go there.

While I am completely against this bill and this war, I theoretically understand the need for a draft - if your country's armed forces are all there because they choose that as their career, they are going to make decisions based on their careers, not on what's actually right or moral in the situation that they're in. Career military people are less likely question their commanders when they're being ordered to electrocute prisoners' genitalia. However, mandatory military service is another thing entirely. I am hoping that even pro-war people see this and realize that yes, their sons and daughters and perhaps even they would have to serve and potentially die for this war. Maybe it'll change their minds. I'm not holding my breath, though.

By the way, this bill has been on the table in both the House and Senate since January 2003. 2003, people. Almost a year and a half. Where's the major media coverage?


babbled by Kat @ 11:02:00 AM | |


Saturday, May 22, 2004

Turn on the bright lights:

My apartment is a fucking mess. I'm so busy at work that I'm too tired to clean or even unpack from my trip when I get home. In fact, I worked from home yesterday, but I had so much to do that I actually worked OVERTIME instead of taking frequent breaks to get shit done like I normally do. I'm still coughing. I'm completely disorganized and I keep losing stuff and forgetting things.

But I've never been happier in my entire life.

Everything is fucking amazing. Work is busy, but there are so many good things going on there, so many interesting projects and potential for new ones, that it's really fulfilling. I networked my ass off at the conference last week and got some potential side gigs writing articles and practice tests, as well.

My creative outlets are equally en fuego - when I was in Providence I shot a couple of rolls of film, which I'm really excited about because I haven't gone out shooting in a while and I've spent some time studying my existing work and refining my technique, so I'm really excited to see how they turned out. And I'm going to be in a group show this summer with some totally fucking amazing artists in an awesome project that I'm really excited about.

My personal life is incredible as well. I reconnected with a lot of friends and made a few new ones when I was on the east coast, and I realized that I am a really fortunate person - my friends are all incredible people, in so many different ways, and I am so glad I know all of them. Some of them live close by, some of them live too far away; I see some of them often, and some once every couple of years; I talk to some daily and some annually. I wish I could see more of them more often, but I'm happy that I know each and every one of them.

Some of my friends are having some really serious problems right now, though, and I'm worried about them; I am just going to be there to listen to them and let them all vent to me, and hopefully I can help them get through their rough times. I'm glad I've actually been through what they're all going through (difficult adolescence, dealing with death of loved ones), because I can at least give them hope that it's not going to suck this much forever, and they can heal and move on in time. I really love my friends, and I want to help them any way I can.

We will discontinue this extra-sappy after school special and return to your regularly scheduled programming of snark and vitriol after a few words from our sponsors.


babbled by Kat @ 11:49:00 AM | |


Wednesday, May 19, 2004

Trusting my soul to the ice cream assassin:

I'm back in L.A. The cat was a little miffed at me for being gone so long, but I was able to make him forget that he had ever been mad at me with a few pieces of sliced turkey and a tummy rub. If only people were that easy. "You slept with my sister! I hate you! Ooh, turkey... you sure are terrific. Let's make out."

Now that I'm back and I don't have Very Big Things to plan for like weddings and conferences, I find myself with a disturbingly large amount of free time in the evenings. The first few evenings were spent thoroughly enjoying this free time with liberal doses of television and my favorite wine, but now I have decided that I need to find something to occupy all of this time. So I've decided to throw another party.

This time, I'm not going to try to do everything myself, because that shit is hard. So, Dawn, I'm totally going to rope you into bartending, and Jessica, I will be requesting your tealight and bling decorating services. I haven't decided on a date for the party yet, but once I do I will expect all of you to totally get all up in my grill for an invite. Because my parties are fucking fabulous.


babbled by Kat @ 5:32:00 PM | |


Saturday, May 15, 2004

Creatures kissing in the rain:

Okay. I know. I promised posts galore describing the wild and crazy antics that would undoubtedly occur when Kerry and I descended upon the bars of Providence. I also promised photos and descriptions of the whirlwind of excitement that is a techie conference in the middle of Boston. However, I didn't take two things into account when I made those promises: the sheer amount of time that would be consumed by my regular job and the aforementioned conference, and the ridiculously persistent illness that I've had for the last few weeks. You see, I had a cold in mid-April, which had pretty much waned by the end of the month, but returned with a vengeance after my trip to Philly. That trip was two weeks ago. I'm still sick. I am pretty sure that the amazing tenacity of these particular germs is due to the impact that the stress of the conference and tons of traveling had on my immune system, so I am hoping that I will recover quickly once I return home and spend lots of time doing absolutely fucking nothing. However, this week has been nothing but coughing, work, preparing presentations, giving presentations, coughing, talking geek shop with friends and conference attendees, schmoozing, spending time with friends and colleagues I don't see often enough, coughing, taking naps whenever possible, and oh yeah, coughing. I should buy stock in Robitussin at this point. (By the way, yes, I did see a doctor, and it's not a bacterial infection. It's just a persistent cold. I promise.)

I'm still in my hotel in Boston. I'll be spending a bit more time with Kerry today, as she's driving in from Providence as I type this. Then I'm going to do a little shopping and have dinner with a couple of friends who live here. I know, it's not the wanton debauchery I promised you people. Cut me some slack. I'm getting old, you know.

I'll be back in L.A. tomorrow night and back to work on Monday, unless my cough gets worse, in which case I'll go back to the doctor so my cat doesn't have a seizure. When I'm sick, he sits and stares at me all night like he's trying to will me to get better. It's a little disconcerting, since he only has the one eye, but it usually works.

Since my level of busy-ness will decrease significantly upon my return, you can expect more frequent posts. And they might even start to be funny again! Oh my god! Stop the fucking presses!

If I were you, I wouldn't hold my breath, though.


babbled by Kat @ 11:50:00 AM | |


Thursday, May 06, 2004

Lost in a snow filled sky:

meI love NPR for many reasons, but one in particular stands out. One of their newscasters, Ann Taylor, has interesting pronunciation. Specifically, she always pronounces Donald Rumsfeld's name "Donnarumsfeld". This makes me giggle with glee.

I'm off to Boston tomorrow. A hottie is picking me up and we are going to spend two fabulous days together frolicking around Providence. Then I'll be in Boston in a hotel befitting my status as queen of the universe all week, where I'll have broadband internet access. I'll also be taking lots of photos. I'm sure those two things combined will result in some blog posts. If not, you have my permission to flog me.


babbled by Kat @ 11:40:00 PM | |


Wednesday, May 05, 2004

She breaks her heart just a little too much:

I sort of implied in the last entry that I would recap the entire weekend in Philly, but I don't think I will go into detail. I met a lot of wonderful people and reconnected with good friends that I haven't seen in far too long, and I think I want to keep all of that for myself. I'm turning into a fucking emo kid or something. Every time I think about how much my friends and family mean to me I get all teary-eyed. I know you want to hear all the tales of wonderment and tomfoolery that occurred during my trip, but you don't want me to be continuously crying like a little bitch, now, do you? Clearly, this trip has turned me into a sappy emotional goober, and I need a little time to recover and get back to my usual cold, heartless, mean-spirited self.

I will be spending the next two days preparing for my trip to Boston. I have to unpack, wash, and repack almost all of the clothes I took with me to Philly. I have to make sure the cat-sitter is well-informed on one-eyed cat care. I have to pay a few bills and balance my checkbook so I know how much cashmoneys I will have to spend on booze and hookers in Boston, because that's what business trips are for, right? And I need to finish up 9,472 projects at work before the end of the day tomorrow. So why am I taking the time to blog? Because I need a place to vent.

However, the problem with having a blog that everyone I know reads is that I can't always talk about 100% of what I'm thinking and feeling, especially if I'm thinking or feeling something about someone who reads this. If I'm mad at someone, I can't vent about it in detail because I tell people I'm mad at them face-to-face rather than bitch on a website. If I'm concerned about someone and don't know how to approach them about it, I can't post asking for advice because they might read it first. It goes on. Sometimes I feel like I need to get one of those completely anonymous blogspot blogs that will get lost in the sea of posts about what some emo kid had for breakfast, just so that I can talk about this shit. Or maybe I should start keeping a private journal.

Or maybe I should just throw caution to the wind and really start opening up to you motherfuckers. Be afraid.


babbled by Kat @ 10:30:00 AM | |


Tuesday, May 04, 2004

My eyes are bursting hearts:

My trip to Philadelphia was amazing, and I have so many things to write about that I don't know where to start. So, instead of recapping the entire weekend right now, I am going to tell you about the very best part: my big brother's wedding.

I've been friends with Shawn for almost ten years, and we've considered each other family for almost as long as we've known each other. When he first got together with Leah, I was so happy when I saw how amazing they were together. They simply glow in each other's presence. That was four years ago, and they are still glowing just as brightly.

I went to Philadelphia this weekend prepared to be their "backup" minister, in case something happened with the friend who was going to perform the ceremony. He was traveling a fairly long distance to the wedding by car and Shawn & Leah wanted to make sure they had another ordained minister ready to step in, just in case. Minor disaster did strike, as the original officiant got a flat tire on the way to Philly and missed the rehearsal. I stood in as officiant for the rehearsal, and after a very emotional rehearsal session, they decided they wanted me to perform the ceremony.

I can't even begin to tell you how wonderful the ceremony was. Every wedding I've been to that joined two people I care deeply about together has been beautiful. The first wedding I officiated last October was lovely, and I felt honored and blessed to have been a part of it. This ceremony, though.. well, these two wonderful people are my family. They're people I choose to call family. I walked my big brother up to the altar and watched his beautiful bride come down the aisle to join him. They exchanged their vows, beautiful vows written for them with the help of Shawn's sister-in-law, vows that made every single person in attendance cry with joy. The love between the two of them and flowing towards them from their friends, family, and community was overflowing and palpable. Pronouncing them husband and wife was one of the happiest moments of my life.

It is truly rare to see the very definition of true love right in front of you. I was fortunate enough to be able to be a part of celebrating that love this weekend.

Congratulations, Shawn and Leah.


babbled by Kat @ 9:40:00 AM | |