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drinking tips

Monday, November 25, 2002

I would like to take this opportunity to wish the Bush twins a happy 21st birthday. Dad's obviously tickled about it. I'll be toasting you over my 3-martini dinner.

A few tips for your "first" drinking experience, girls:

1. Never mix your alcohol. With anything. Not even ice. Drink everything straight up.
2. Never drink and drive. Make that Secret Service guy drive you around when you go on bar crawls. It's a good use of our tax dollars.
3. Don't drink on an empty stomach. Unless you just want to get hammered really fast, that is. If that's the case, go for it. You can always eat after you puke.
4. Always try to vomit into a receptacle of some sort, to avoid nasty cleanup problems and stammered explanations to your dry cleaner.
5. To prevent hangovers, take two aspirin, a glass of water, and three shots of Jager before going to bed.
6. To prevent unwanted sexual encounters while drinking, always wear 2 pairs of shit-brown nylon granny panties from the 99 cent store. Even desperate frat boys get turned off by that.

Now you're all prepared for your new lives as responsible, adult alcohol consumers! Remember, everyone, go out and buy some liquor. It's good for the economy!

babbled by Kat @ 4:01 PM |