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the lion speaks tonight

Thursday, February 20, 2003

FuzzyHi, I'm a fuzzy baby lion.

There are a lot of meetings and deadlines and tasty hot bagels going on at Kat's work today, so she asked me if I would write something for her. I said, what the heck, even though I'm only two weeks old, don't speak a lick of English, and am so tired from running around like a goober and doing other lion cub-like activities that I have to lean on my brother just to stay sorta upright, I will write a note to your massive reader base. Now, keep in mind, I don't speak, read, or write English, so you may not be able to understand what I am saying. Unless you speak baby lion, in which case I would like your phone number.

Just so you know, it is a lot of work being a baby lion. First of all, I am so cute that people stand around and look at me all day and go, "Aww," and I feel kind of compelled to do funny stuff to entertain them. I mean, if I was staring at, say, a baby seal, before I clubbed it I would want it to at least squirm around or roll over or something. It would get boring just looking at a baby animal that doesn't move. So I tumble around and play and chase my tail and stuff, and the people go, "OhmigodthatissocuteImightdierightnow!" and that makes me happy, because I hate people, and if they died that'd be cool with me. But then I get all wiped out and have to lean on my brother like he is some kind of furry pillow, and he's all annoyed because he's trying to catch the eye of that cute baby tiger across the room and he thinks I'm cramping his style. (By the way, she's totally out of his league, but I let the homely motherfucker think he's gonna get some play because it makes him feel good, and when he feels good he bites my tail less.)

I don't really know what else to talk about, mainly because I'm a two-week-old baby lion and I really don't have much life experience. All I know is the stuff I learn from the intarweb, which is turning me into a bitter bitch pretty quickly, but at least there are pictures of fur protesters and that snaggletoothed lady's boobs for me to look at. I like pictures instead of text since I can't read, but I wish I could read because Kat told me that there are some really good 'blogs out there that she keeps meaning to add to her permalinks because she reads them every day, but she's a lazy twat so she hasn't. If I understood how to edit a Blogger template I'd do it for her, but I am not only completely illiterate, I am totally in the dark about newfangled techiegeek stuff like HTML and CSS. I'm sure she will get around to it eventually, after she finishes all those totally important projects (read: incessant web surfing) that she's been working on so diligently (read: totally slacking off).

I have to go back to my cage now, because all those insufferable humans who stare at me and tell me I'm cute are coming back, and I think they'd be upset with me if they caught me using their computer to talk to you guys and look at lion porn. Don't tell on me.

babbled by Kat @ 9:55 AM |